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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that countries can have both economic success and a clean environment. Some disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Economic
success
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 and the maintenance of a clean
environment
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 are factors that some
people
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 believe have causative effects on each other. Theoretically, it is the logical assumption that
countries
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 with a high GDP and low unemployment
,
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apply
show examples
 would want an
environment
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 that reflects the same
success
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. Some oppose
this
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 view. Certain
countries
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 have made it punishable by law to litter in public. An example of
such
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 a place is Singapore, where chewing gum in a public space is met with a fine.
This
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 discipline, enforced by the government, is
also
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 reflected in the workforce, making the
country
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 quite financially successful. During my time there, I
also
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 noticed a certain lack of abandoned animals, homeless
people
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, and unkept greenery, which
alll
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all
 contribute to an unclean
environment
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.
On the other hand
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, depending on a
country
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's main
source
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 of income, it can be inevitable that there is an unclean
environment
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.
For instance
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, a nation like
Thailand
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, where
tourism
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 is very high
and
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, and
show examples
 they open up their
country
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 to an enormous amount of
people
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 every year, it would be quite hard to maintain a clean
environment
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.
This
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 means more public transport is being used, and there are more
people
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 walking on the street, causing more pollution. In conclusion, I believe that a
country
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's ability to have economic
success
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 and a clean
environment
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 is dependent on its
source
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 of revenue. So
countries
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 like
Thailand
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 and India, that depend on
tourism
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, would be unlikely to have a clean
environment
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. In conclusion, I believe that a
country
Use synonyms
's ability to have economic
success
Use synonyms
 and a clean
environment
Use synonyms
 is dependent on its
source
Use synonyms
 of revenue. So
countries
Use synonyms
 like
Thailand
Use synonyms
 and India, that depend on
tourism
Use synonyms
, would be unlikely to have a clean
environment
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe that a
country
Use synonyms
's ability to have economic
success
Use synonyms
 and a clean
environment
Use synonyms
 is dependent on its
source
Use synonyms
 of revenue. So
countries
Use synonyms
 like
Thailand
Use synonyms
 and India, that depend on
tourism
Use synonyms
, would be unlikely to have a clean
environment
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Write both sides more fully. The essay shows two views, but the second view is not explained enough.
task response
Give your opinion more clearly and keep it the same from start to end.
task response
Use examples that fit the point in a more exact way. Some examples are good, but some links are weak.
coherence and cohesion
Make one clear plan: intro, one paragraph for side one, one for side two, and one conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the conclusion. The same lines appear three times, and this hurts the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a clearer way. Some sentences jump too fast from one point to the next.
task response
The essay answers the topic and gives both views.
task response
There are real country examples, like Singapore and Thailand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs and a conclusion is attempted.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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