IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Masses of countries coping with
poverty
Use synonyms
 are dying of
dieseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 which can be cured easily as they do not have access to any of
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 resources required. I opine that pharmaceuticals should provide access to these medications for every
person
Use synonyms
, so that
one cannot
Correct word order
no one can
show examples
 die of any curable disease. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will enlighten the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 my opinion.
Linking Words
to
Capitalize the word
To
show examples
 begin with, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries worldwide are dealing with health problems nowadays. It is because of
inadequate
Correct article usage
the inadequate
show examples
 availability of proper supervision of patients and
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of pharmaceutical drugs. Medications not provided on time can
further
Linking Words
 lead to the worsening of a disease, causing
further
Linking Words
 complications in one's health, which will eventually lead to a
person
Use synonyms
's death. In 2020's
Corona Virus
Correct your spelling
Coronavirus
 Pandemic,
according to
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research conducted by world health organization, 67% of patients died because of being financially unstable
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 meanwhile, 82% of survivors were the people who paid for proper vaccinations on time.
This
Linking Words
 depicts the significance of affordibility of medicines to ensure the survival of a
person
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
furthermore
Capitalize the word
Furthermore
show examples
,
poverty
Use synonyms
 has always been the mother of every calamity and has led to
destruction
Correct article usage
the destruction
show examples
 of societies. It has demolished every aspect of a society,
either
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 it's
politcial
Correct your spelling
political
 or sociological. Regarding
poverty
Use synonyms
 and
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 industry, they have
direct
Correct article usage
a direct
show examples
 relation. Citing
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 explanation, a sociological team analyzed
hospitals
Check wording
hospitals'
show examples
 data of South Africa in 2021 and concluded that 8 out of 10 patients died of pyrexia as they could not even afford
paracetamols
Check wording
paracetamol
show examples
, enlightening the role of
poverty
Use synonyms
 in
treatment
Correct article usage
the treatment
show examples
 of diseases.
To conclude
Linking Words
 the above mentioned paragraphs, I opine that drug industries should
minimize
Change the spelling
minimise
show examples
 their prices and ensure the availability of
drug
Check wording
drugs
show examples
 to every
person
Use synonyms
of a
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part.
task response
Add clearer main ideas and explain them step by step.
task response
Use examples that feel real and are explained in a simple way.
coherence and cohesion
Split long parts into clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like first, also, as a result, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one.
task response
You clearly say your opinion in the introduction and again in the end.
task response
You stay on the topic of poor countries, disease, and medicine prices.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic essay shape with introduction, body, and conclusion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
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