Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Website. Do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that nowadays,
students
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spend most of their
time
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using
phones
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, online games, and social networking , which makes educating
children
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more difficult. I strongly believe that teaching
children
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is a more challenging task today than it was in the past.
To begin
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with,
students
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spend a longer
time
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using
phones
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instead
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of studying.
In other words
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, looking at
phones
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for a long
time
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has a negative impact on their health.
This
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is because spending so much
time
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on cell
phones
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increases concern and reduces their focus on learning,
as well as
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leading to less physical activity,causing weight gain and vision problems.
In addition
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, teachers and parents will face challenges in attracting their
children
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's attention.
For example
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, most
students
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after school prefer to spend
time
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playing electronic games
instead
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of studying. Another point to consider,
children
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are affected by the content they watch on social media.
This
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is because
acquire
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of
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inappropriate behaviour. It is
also
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possible they become addicted to using
phones
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.
As a result
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, spend less
time
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sitting with their families and reduce contact with them.
For instance
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,
children
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,
instead
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of reading books or talking with their families, spend hours in whatching short videos. In conclusion,
students
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spending all their
time
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on
phones
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or social media, in my opinion,
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apply
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this
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can create serious problems. Parents and teachers should take responsibility to make better decisions and reduce using phons to their
children
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.

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task response
Make each main idea more clear with one full reason and one clear example.
task response
Stay close to the question all the time. Explain more about why teaching is harder today.
task response
Use examples with more detail, not only general ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Link some sentences more clearly. A few parts feel cut or not complete.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph and develop it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order so each point flows in a smooth way.
task response
You answer the question clearly and you give a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple link words like To begin with, In addition, As a result, and In conclusion.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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