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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many parents put pressure on their children to get high grades in school. Give the reasons for this and choose whether this is a positive or negative action.

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Today, it seems that education is more important than ever. In contemporary society, educational success is a high priority, leading many
parents
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 to demand academic excellence. There is a debate about whether
this
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 strategy is helping or hindering the
child
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.
This
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 essay will examine the motivations behind parental
pressure
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 and whether it is a positive or negative action. On the one hand, the drive to push
children
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 for high grades stems from several reasons.
First,
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the modern job market is fiercely competitive.
Parents
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 understand that securing top marks opens doors to elite universities.
This
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, in turn, leads to lucrative career opportunities.
Second,
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social status and cultural expectations play a massive role. In many societies, a
child
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's academic performance is viewed as a direct reflection of the
parents
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.
Consequently
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,
parents
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pressure
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 their
children
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 to maintain family honour and appearances in the community.
Finally
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, most
parents
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 believe that their goal is to push their
children
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 to surpass their achievements.
Parents
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 want to see their
children
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 outdo them.
This
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 can be a source of parental pride.
On the other hand
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, despite the well-intentions of
parents
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,
this
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 intense
pressure
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 is overwhelmingly negative.
First,
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the primary consequence is the severe damage to their mental health. Chronic stress to perform well often creates anxiety, depression, and a fear of failure.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 obsession with marks has a negative effect on the
child
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's educational interest. They start to hate and resent school.
Thus
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, parental
pressure
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 has the opposite effect.
Finally
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, it changes how students proceed in school.
Instead
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 of a love for learning and developing thinking and research skills, students resort to memorisation to pass exams. When education is only about chasing grades, the
child
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 is negatively affected. In conclusion,
parents
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pressure
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 their
children
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 for many reasons.
Moreover
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, I believe that
this
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 practice is completely negative. It causes psychological distress and results in more harm than good.

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task response
Add one short real example to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Your answer is clear and you fully answer both parts of the task. Keep this clear position from start to end.
task response
Some ideas could be explained a little more deeply, especially in the second body paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Linking words are used well, but a few are repeated. Try to vary them a bit more.
coherence cohesion
Most paragraphs have one main idea and good support. Keep building each point step by step.
task response
You clearly explain why parents push children for high grades.
task response
You clearly choose a negative view and support it well.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well organized into clear paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and effective.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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