IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people think that secondary or high school student should be taught how to use money management as it is an important life skill. do you agree or disagree with the statement?

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There is a strong
on going
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ongoing
 debate, whether teenagers should be exposed to financial
skills
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,like
money
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 management or not. I would argue that they should learn
such
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 crucial
skills
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 at that young
age
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 to be prepared for facing life difficulties in the future.
This
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 essay will examine my point of view in some
details
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detail
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. First of all, it is easier for people at
younger
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a younger
show examples
age
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 to accept and learn new
skills
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. So, teaching them how to manage
money
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 at
this
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age
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 can definitely
grow
Verb problem
help them grow
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 up with them, when getting older. For
examle
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example
, it can be
struggling
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difficult
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 for anybody to learn how to ride a bicycle at
older
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an older
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age
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. The same situation is completely true for life
skills
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, learning
money
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 management at school
age
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 can enhance the new generation to be responsible towards the resources of their family and their country.
This
Linking Words
 skill can enable them to appreciate what their family and community
is
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are
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 offering to them.
For instance
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, they would avoid causing damage to the school's furniture
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 if they understood the cost of
such
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 a desk, and the amount of
money
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 spent on repairing the desk
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 be invested
on
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in
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 other items or activities.
This
Linking Words
 appreciation would reflect the gained
skills
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
money
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 management. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 many people disagree with the idea of teaching teenagers
money
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skills
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 at
young
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a young
show examples
age
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 and think it is the time for them to just enjoy
theirlives
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their lives
, I
storngly
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strongly
 agree that it is essential for them to learn those
skills
Use synonyms

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task response
Write a clearer answer to the question in the first paragraph. Say directly that you agree.
task response
Add one more clear idea about why students should learn money use at school.
task response
Use examples that are closer to money use, like saving, planning, or spending.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly with simple words like first, also, because, so, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main idea and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentences that feel unclear, so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
task response
You answer the question and your position is clear for most of the essay.
task response
You give examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words like first of all, in addition, and in conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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