It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Some people argue that as we live only once we need not save our income
instead
spend it now and enjoy the moment. Where on the other hand
, some argue that saving money for the future is very important because life is very unpredictable and as a result
, there is a chance we may use that money. Apart from
this
early retirement is only possible with the right financial planning. Hence
, I completely agree with
that we should stop spending unnecessarily too much and start saving some part of our salary.
Change preposition
apply
Firstly
, as
life is uncertain, and if we haven't saved enough it can become a problem. Health problems are one of the major concerns because nowadays hospital bills can go up to lakhs of rupees and if we haven't planned our finances correctly we may face an issue of paying for those expenditures. Correct word choice
apply
For example
, when people lost their jobs during COVID-19, and many people were getting infected by this
virus, there were individuals who had not saved enough, were
in Correct word choice
and were
a
big trouble as they could not pay for their daily needs. Remove the article
apply
Hence
, saving for such
unpredicted events is very important.
Secondly
, when we plan our finances by investing in mutual funds properly we can retire very early. That is
after we have retired from our jobs we need to have enough money so that we can live the rest of our lives peacefully. For instance
, when a young employee 26 years old saves up to 10000 Rs and invests that amount in SIP for the next 20 years, then
he can easily retire by the age of 45 years and after that, he would get approximately 80000 Rs per month which I feel is enough for leading a good life. Therefore
, proper saving and investing can help us plan for early retirement.
In conclusion, I believe that if we start saving some part of our income regularly and invest it in the right place, it not only helps in securing
our future but Wrong verb form
secure
also
ensures that we can retire at a very early age.Submitted by yashaswikhot on
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task achievement
The essay responds well to the task, presenting clear arguments for saving money. To further improve, ensure that each paragraph maintains a single idea to avoid fragmentation. For example, the first body paragraph discusses both health issues and job loss, which could be separated to strengthen the coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows good logical structure and the points made are supported. However, you could enhance cohesion by using more linking words and phrases to ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. For instance, using phrases like 'Moreover' or 'In addition' can help link the ideas better.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and effectively summarize the main points of the essay, contributing to a strong overall structure. Well done.
relevant specific examples
The examples provided are relevant and specific, adding credibility to the arguments made.