It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future

Some people argue that as we live only once we need not save our income

instead

spend it now and enjoy the moment. Where

on the other hand

, some argue that saving money for the future is very important because life is very unpredictable and

as a result

, there is a chance we may use that money.

Apart from

this

early retirement is only possible with the right financial planning.

Hence

, I completely agree

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

that we should stop spending unnecessarily too much and start saving some part of our salary.

Firstly

Correct word choice

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life is uncertain, and if we haven't saved enough it can become a problem. Health problems are one of the major concerns because nowadays hospital bills can go up to lakhs of rupees and if we haven't planned our finances correctly we may face an issue of paying for those expenditures.

For example

, when people lost their jobs during COVID-19, and many people were getting infected by

this

virus, there were individuals who had not saved enough,

were

Correct word choice

and were

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

big trouble as they could not pay for their daily needs.

Hence

, saving for

such

unpredicted events is very important.

Secondly

, when we plan our finances by investing in mutual funds properly we can retire very early.

That is

after we have retired from our jobs we need to have enough money so that we can live the rest of our lives peacefully.

For instance

, when a young employee 26 years old saves up to 10000 Rs and invests that amount in SIP for the next 20 years,

then

he can easily retire by the age of 45 years and after that, he would get approximately 80000 Rs per month which I feel is enough for leading a good life.

Therefore

, proper saving and investing can help us plan for early retirement. In conclusion, I believe that if we start saving some part of our income regularly and invest it in the right place, it not only helps

in securing

Wrong verb form

secure

show examples

our future but

also

ensures that we can retire at a very early age.

Submitted by yashaswikhot on Sat Aug 31 2024

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task achievement

The essay responds well to the task, presenting clear arguments for saving money. To further improve, ensure that each paragraph maintains a single idea to avoid fragmentation. For example, the first body paragraph discusses both health issues and job loss, which could be separated to strengthen the coherence.

coherence cohesion

The essay shows good logical structure and the points made are supported. However, you could enhance cohesion by using more linking words and phrases to ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. For instance, using phrases like 'Moreover' or 'In addition' can help link the ideas better.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction and conclusion are both clear and effectively summarize the main points of the essay, contributing to a strong overall structure. Well done.

relevant specific examples

The examples provided are relevant and specific, adding credibility to the arguments made.

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15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

347 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
safety net
unforeseen circumstances
emergencies
future investments
retirement planning
financial discipline
habit of saving
amassing wealth
substantial fund
opportunity cost
additional income
inflation
purchasing power

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