IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle. Others kklbelieve that governments should take care of it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Many
people
Use synonyms
 want to have a long and healthy
life
Use synonyms
, and, without a doubt, one of the most important things in
achiving
Correct your spelling
achieving
this
Linking Words
 is your
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. In order to live
longer
Punctuation problem
longer,
show examples
 we need to acquire
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that promoting
this
Linking Words
lifestyle
Use synonyms
one
Verb problem
is one
show examples
 of the government`s main functions. In my opinion, folks have to understand
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
show examples
 of
such
Linking Words
 an active
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 on their own.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not
such
Linking Words
 a compulsory thing as many
people
Use synonyms
 describe it. Yes, there is no
doubts
Fix the agreement mistake
doubt
show examples
, it can help you become stronger, more resistant to sickness, and even make your
life
Use synonyms
 longer, but every single
persom
Correct your spelling
person
 is unique.
For example
Linking Words
, even knowing how signigicant healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
, someone
Verb problem
is, someone
show examples
 would rather spend his or her time playing games or enjoying fast food.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 choice everyone
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to make on their own, and we cannot ignore their freedom in
this
Linking Words
 question.
Moreover
Linking Words
, even without the government interruption, we can see a large
nubmer
Correct your spelling
number
 of
billbords
Correct your spelling
billboards
 and
advertisiments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 about gym, swimming, and healthy products, which share the idea of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy
life
Use synonyms
.
Althrough
Correct your spelling
Although
, if
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 wanted it, she or he would do
this
Linking Words
. From another
percpective
Correct your spelling
perspective
, I think that the government had better provide citizens with medical instructions about
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 in some cases.
For instance
Linking Words
, it would be
grateful
Correct word choice
great
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if, in
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 could find out about
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. Doctors can carry out lectures about
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural food to the
patiens
Correct your spelling
patients
, or something like
this
Linking Words
. It would be voluntary, but
also
Linking Words
 beneficial.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I think that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
everyone
Check wording
everyone's
show examples
 own choice, and we cannot blame them for
this
Linking Words
 choice.
However
Linking Words
, it still might be
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 to provide
citizen
Check wording
citizens
show examples
 with some awareness regarding the
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy
life
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. You write more about personal choice than government duty.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in all body parts, not only in the start and end.
task response
Give more clear and real examples to support each main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and because.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order, because some parts are hard to follow.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used, such as firstly, moreover, and to sum up.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: