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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

ii. #Globalization | #ForeignTrade - Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? (IELTS 10, AC)

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The phenomenon of
resemblance
Correct article usage
the resemblance
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 of goods in several nations has been a trending issue in humankind. I firmly
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
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 that it has big advantages in order to increase
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
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 of export and encourage innovation around the world rather than
it
Correct determiner usage
its
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 threats. The majority outcome of
this
Linking Words
 global trade is the convenience to consumers for easily puchasing many variety of their needs across countries. Particularly in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 developing state that has rich natural resources,
export
Correct subject-verb agreement
exports
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 will push their
economic's
Check wording
economic
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 profit. As we can see in Indonesia
where
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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 has been exporting
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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 nickel and coffee. 
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the ease of accessibility to high-quality commodities from advanced countries will incentivise numerous other states to innovate based on the blueprints of previous outputs.
For instance
Linking Words
, the innovation of mobile gadgets has been rapidly
wider
Verb problem
expanding
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 with
multifarious
Replace the word
a variety
 of functional features on modern smartphones. In conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 firmly agree that the amenity of global market shopping provides more benefits
than
Remove the redundancy
apply
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than its obstacles. International trade flows will
surging
Wrong verb form
surge
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 the market demands and upgrade the incremental innovation roughly from achieving premium creations
in
Change preposition
apply
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worldwide.

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task response
Give a clearer answer in the first paragraph. Say if this change is mainly good or mainly bad in a direct way.
task response
Add one more clear idea about why this is good, or explain one idea more fully.
task response
Use examples with more detail. Explain how the example supports your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea only. This will help the essay feel easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, such as 'First', 'Also', 'For example', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some ideas are not fully connected, so the reader must guess your meaning.
task response
You answered the question and clearly chose the positive side.
task response
You used examples like Indonesia, nickel, coffee, and smartphones.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, a body paragraph, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear overall direction from start to end.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Standardization
  • Quality of living
  • High-quality goods
  • Cultural identity
  • Traditions
  • Homogeneous lifestyles
  • Unique cultural identities
  • Heritage
  • Competitive pricing
  • Variety of goods
  • Multinational corporations
  • Local businesses
  • Environmental impact
  • Pollution
  • Climate change
  • Global trade
  • Innovation
  • Product quality
  • International standards
  • Dependency on foreign goods
  • Market fluctuations
  • Geopolitical tensions
  • Economic stability
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