IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People from different backgrounds try to change their look by changing the colour of their hair using cosmetics, wearing jewellery or even plastic surgery done. Why do you think people do it/ Do you think changing a look is a good thing?

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The physical appearance of
people
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 has been changing over the years, as their
personality
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 relies on
hair
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 colour,
jewellery
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 and medical procedures. There are two main reasons linked to
this
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 happening, and in my opinion, transforming physical appearance without surgeries will be highly beneficial. One reason why a growing number of
people
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 have started to dye their
hair
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, wear impressive
jewellery
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 , and even undergoing surgerical procedures is because of their profession. Actors, actresses, celebrities, and social media influencers are often required to make frequent changes in their appearances so that
people
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 can be influenced and encouraged by them to follow new trends.
This
Linking Words
 strategy not only teaches ordinary
people
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 how to enhance beauty but
also
Linking Words
 inspires them about the importance of physical change. Personal desire is another reason for changing
personality
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. When
people
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 transform their look into a new one, they often feel motivated and confident. Wearing attractive
jewellery
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 and a new colour of
hair
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 can attract other
people
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's attention, which can be reflected by giving them compliments. Honest and actual praises regarding
personality
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 may provide real satisfaction and happiness, encouraging
people
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 to focus more on their
personality
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.
This
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also
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 promotes a sense of belonging and self-esteem. Some individuals take the perspective of beauty very seriously , and they have to experience negative consequences.
Plastic
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 surgeries can harm someone's natural beauty and lead to harmful diseases in the near future. These medical procedures can significantly alter the shape of a face;
therefore
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, they should not be performed unless they are medically required. If
people
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 still desire to undergo
plastic
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 surgery, that should be carried out with great care by professionals. In conclusion, transforming physical appearance by changing
hair
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 colour and wearing
jewellery
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 can be highly positive for
people
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.
However
Linking Words
,
plastic
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 surgery can bring serious challenges and worsen someone's career,
while
Linking Words
 I believe that altering one's look can be advantageous and bring confidence in life , except for
plastic
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 surgery.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly why people change their look, and say clearly if you think it is good or bad.
task response
Keep the main idea the same in each paragraph. In one part, you talk about changing look, but then you move to changing personality. These are not the same.
task response
Use more clear examples. For example, give one real case about work, or one case about personal choice.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and careful way. Some sentences are long, so the meaning is not always easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use words in the same meaning all through the essay. Do not change from look to beauty to personality if you mean the same thing.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph unity. The last body paragraph is mostly about surgery risk, so make sure it connects clearly to your main opinion.
task response
You answer both questions and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
Main reasons are easy to see: work and personal wish.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like one reason, another reason, however, and in conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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