IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Nowadays, people in different societies believe that taking care of
children
Use synonyms
 is the most significant work.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they consider that all
parents
Use synonyms
 have to be passed from course that could help them to be great
parents
Use synonyms
. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 trend, yet not every couple
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 afford the cost and the time.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, taking a course can help
parents
Use synonyms
 to learn basic knowledge about
children
Use synonyms
's behaviour
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and their health.
For instance
Linking Words
, nutrition
courses
Use synonyms
 could teach
parents
Use synonyms
 more information about the nutritional intake of
children
Use synonyms
 of different ages. By learning from experts, the
parents
Use synonyms
 are able to cook suitable and healthy foods for their son.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
educational lessons could teach about how to raise a child to be polite and honest.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 kind of lesson can reduce the panic and help
parents
Use synonyms
 protect their
children
Use synonyms
 in everyday situations.
However
Linking Words
, purchasing
such
Linking Words
courses
Use synonyms
 is compulsory for all
parents
Use synonyms
 may be unnecessary. Because of
this
Linking Words
, every family have their own problems and behaviour,
such
Linking Words
 as financial issues and others. In normal situations,
such
Linking Words
courses
Use synonyms
 cost a lot.
Therefore
Linking Words
, not every couple could afford the cost of classes and time for the way. In conclusion, I partly agree that these
parents
Use synonyms
 should take
courses
Use synonyms
 in order to become good
parents
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
nevertheless
Linking Words
, not every
parents
Use synonyms
 have opportunities to purchase
courses
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of time or financial issues.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. Say why you partly agree in a direct way.
task response
Add one more clear idea for why courses help parents, and one more clear idea for why making them a must is not good.
task response
Use a more exact example. For example, say what parents can learn in a health or safety class.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Use simple words like first, also, however, because, so, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check each sentence order. Some parts are hard to follow, so make one point in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with a short reason or example, so the reader can follow your ideas more easily.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use an example about food and child health, which helps your point.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parenting skills
  • Child development
  • Mandatory courses
  • Nutrition
  • Discipline strategies
  • Effective communication
  • Government regulations
  • Voluntary workshops
  • Community support
  • Cultural backgrounds
  • Personal beliefs
  • Emotionally stable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: