IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries people are ageing and the need for the young people to care for the elderly is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

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In different parts of the world, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 are
geting
Correct your spelling
getting
 older and
as a result
Linking Words
 of that they are
being need for careness
Replace the word
needing care
 from young
individuals
Use synonyms
.
aAlthough
Correct your spelling
Although
this
Linking Words
 can put
presser
Correct your spelling
pressure
 on young
individuals
Use synonyms
 and can
effects
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 their
future
Use synonyms
 ,
this
Linking Words
careness
Replace the word
care
 can make
old
Replace the word
older
individuals
Use synonyms
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 better emotions and give young
once
Check wording
individuals
show examples
 the chance of
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
 from their
oldres'
Correct your spelling
older relatives'
 experience.
Take
Wrong verb form
Taking
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 of someone else can put a pressur on the
people
Use synonyms
 who are taking
care
Use synonyms
 of
him
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
.Since
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 of somone take specfic offert,
time
Use synonyms
 ,and
mpney
Correct your spelling
money
,
this
Linking Words
 often
creats
Correct your spelling
creates
 some stress on
people
Use synonyms
 who
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 that
reponsibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 because they lose specific
time
Use synonyms
 and
offert
Correct your spelling
offers
 that
should
Correct pronoun usage
they should
show examples
 spend
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
on their
benefits
Correct word choice
own benefits
show examples
. The second drawback is spending
time
Use synonyms
 on taking
care
Use synonyms
 of their
oldrs
Use the right word
elders
show examples
 can harm their
future
Use synonyms
. If they spend their
time
Use synonyms
 which should
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be
spended
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on creating their
future
Use synonyms
 on something else, their
future
Use synonyms
 will
harm
Wrong verb form
be harmed
show examples
 for sure.
For example
Linking Words
,a survey from KKU has shown that most of the students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 refuse the scholarship of studying abords have commn reason
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was they have
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
mamaber
Correct your spelling
member
 to look after. On the other side,taking
care
Use synonyms
 of
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 population creates
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive emotions in them.Since old
individulas
Correct your spelling
individuals
 mostly
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 sad
feeling
Check wording
feelings
show examples
 about their
suitation
Correct your spelling
situation
,being taken
care
Use synonyms
 of and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 with them can reduce these emotions and make them
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 happy.The second advantage is spend
time
Use synonyms
 with olders can teach younger ones
benefcial leasons
Correct your spelling
beneficial lessons
 in life.
loder individulas
Correct your spelling
older individuals
 are
experieces
Correct your spelling
experienced
 in life because they experiment many experiences, which
made
Verb problem
has made
show examples
 them haveing leason from it.
Therefore
Linking Words
, youngersts can benefit from theirolder experieces.For
instunce
Correct your spelling
instance
, a study
fro
Correct your spelling
from
 Oxford
university
Capitalize the proper name
University
show examples
 has shown that
people
Use synonyms
 with solid and wise
mentalety
Correct your spelling
mentality
 are mostly raised with
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 older. In
conculsion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
Linking Words
Although
Fix capitalization
although
show examples
 taking
care
Use synonyms
 of old
individuals
Use synonyms
 can put some
pressur
Correct your spelling
pressure
 on young
people
Use synonyms
 who are taking
care
Use synonyms
 and
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to harm their
future
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 can
creat
Correct your spelling
create
 positive feelings in older
people
Use synonyms
 and make the youngersts learn from their
olders
Check wording
older people's
show examples
 experiences.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. Add one more clear idea for each side.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easy to see. Start each body part with one clear topic sentence.
task response
Explain your examples more. Show how each example proves your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in one sentence when you can. This will make your meaning clearer.
task response
You answered the full question and wrote about both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You used examples to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • elderly people
  • care for older family members
  • daily support
  • emotional support
  • financial pressure
  • family duty
  • public services
  • health care needs
  • work-life balance
  • generation gap
  • retirement age
  • long-term care
  • loneliness
  • stress and burden
  • save government money
  • quality of care
  • family bond
  • social responsibility
  • medical support
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