IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Write an essay of 250 words on the following topic: Some people believe that zoos serve no useful purpose and should be closed down. Others argue that zoos play a vital role in conservation efforts and public education. Do you agree or disgree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Some individuals firmly consider that zoos should be closed because of their aimless services,
while
Linking Words
 others bear in mind that they play an essential part in conservation efforts and public education. From my perspective, I totally agree that they should be sustained throughout the nations for some reasons. First of all, zoological parks should be continuously operated
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that they are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essential places for children who are fond of discovering the new animal planet.
For instance
Linking Words
, young people between 3 years and 5 years old are the biggest fans of exploring them because the early childhood brain is the most developed period throughout one's life.
In addition
Linking Words
, their memorisation had initiated with the visualisation of those creatures when their parents taught them to learn about the first words.
Hence
Linking Words
, they are eager to know more in detail about
such
Linking Words
 living things , and they have a chance to observe them in those breathtaking zoos.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some schools organise zoo visit
while
Linking Words
 in the summer for public education purposes.
Next,
Linking Words
non-human things' lives are as important as those of people , which should be protected as legal requirements.
For example
Linking Words
, some primitive animals like dinosaurs are the lost ones which most kids love to see in reality since they have to watch them on media channels.
In addition
Linking Words
, the zookeepers should
also
Linking Words
 be well-trained to maintain the healthcare of the rare animals.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I totally agree that zoos are the provider of public education and conservation efforts as the first and foremost place for both young children and adults who care about animal lives , indeed.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give a more clear answer to the question all through the essay, not only in the first and last line.
task response
Add ideas that show why some people want zoos to close, then explain more clearly why you do not agree.
task response
Use examples that are real and fit the topic. The idea about dinosaurs does not fit because they are gone.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part focus on one main idea and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way, like first, also, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. Some parts now feel hard to follow.
task response
You gave a clear opinion in the introduction and repeated it in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
task response
You tried to support your ideas with examples about children, school visits, and animal care.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: