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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays parents are sending their children to trips abroad for educational purpose. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it?

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Recently, most parents tend to send their kids abroad to look for better schooling. The argument over the benefits and downsides of
this
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 topic is still debated. In
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 essay, we will count both advantages and disadvantages of studying overseas.
Firstly
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, when we look at the picture from the side of advantages, we note vividly that learning abroad can give a learner a lot of benefits.
Firstly
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, the top universities and institutes provide students with different experiences in education acquisition with a holestic learning, not just the academic side. Socandly, leaving your original country gives you a different experience in dealing with diverse people from different cultures.
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, it can change the mindset of young students
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therefore
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, they can deal differently with life situations.
On the other hand
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, some parents opposed the idea of sending their young people to be international students. Because they think the pupils in
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 age are easily influnce with different cultures that can change their mindset. Specifically, they argue with changing their religion.
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, most parents worry about the extremely high cost of education.
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, in countries like the USA or the UK , most
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bachelor's tuition fees are at least 10000$ per year without accommodation and living costs. In conclusion, as we mentioned previously, the matter of sending kids abroad to get better education is a challenging one and has enormous benefits to obtain and
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 have downside features to leaving. But I firmly believe that it benificial in changing beliefs, holistic learning, financial skills, problem-solving and getting good communication skills are the most important.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Add one more clear bad point.
coherence cohesion
Make your main idea in each body part very clear in the first line.
task response
Use simple examples to support each point, not only one cost example.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with clear words like first, next, also, however, and finally.
task response
Your last line should match your ideas. You say it changes beliefs, but this was a bad point before.
coherence cohesion
Keep one idea in one sentence. Some sentences are too long and not easy to follow.
task response
You answered the question and wrote about both good and bad sides.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
task response
You gave a real example about study cost in the USA and the UK.
coherence cohesion
Words like firstly, on the other hand, and in conclusion help the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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