IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of “work-life balance”. To what extent should people try to have a good work-life balance? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
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 modern society, it is argued that people who have an important role in some organisations or companies dedicate their lives to careers, and they have no sense to keep a
balance
Use synonyms
 between professional and personal aspects.
However
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, people
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 always maintain their work-life
balance
Use synonyms
 adequately, as it provides many benefits for
body
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 health and family relationships.
Firstly
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, one of the most positive impacts of having
work-life
Correct article usage
a work-life
show examples
balance
Use synonyms
 is that it can maintain
body
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 health. Employees who have
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
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 life will have sufficient
time
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 to arrange exercise, which is essential to reduce the possibility to suffer from cardiovascular disease or other chronic diseases. Outdoor morning workout is a good example, since it trains muscles and stimulate circulation system in the
body
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, making it more active and
relax
Replace the word
relaxed
.
Moreover
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, individuals who consistently build
this
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 habit will be
more
Rephrase
apply
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healthier than those workers without exercise
time
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.
Furthermore
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, family relationship is another advantage that
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
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 from work-life
balance
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 practice. The reason is that leisure
time
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give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 various opportunities for creating
a bonding
Replace the word
bonds
 and developing
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
understandings
Check wording
understanding
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.
A quality
Correct determiner usage
Quality
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time
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 with family can only be arranged if the core family members have free
time
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 to spend
together with
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 their
beloved
Replace the word
loved
 ones.
For example
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, family dinner is a wonderful activity that parents and children can share their stories, challenges, and fun activities after experiencing a busy day,
thus
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 a supportive family can always be
alived
Wrong verb form
alive
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. In conclusion, despite spending a lot of
time
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for
Change preposition
apply
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working, individuals should keep
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
balance
Use synonyms
way
Check wording
apply
show examples
between professional and personal life, as exercise will
make
Verb problem
help
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 our
body
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 stay healthy
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 support from family is a foundation for future
careers
Check wording
career
show examples
 development.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say how much balance people should have, not only that it is good.
task response
Add one short idea about the other side, like why some people give all time to work.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and specific.
coherence and cohesion
Put your ideas in a clearer order in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Link some sentences more naturally with simple words like also, so, because, and for example.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea and then support it well.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it to the end.
task response
You include two main reasons: health and family.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape with introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Topic sentences help the reader follow your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Well-being
  • Productivity
  • Fulfilling
  • Time management
  • Prioritize
  • Burnout
  • Boundaries
  • Dedication
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Efficiency
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