IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that companies and supermarkets should use less packaging for their products. Others say that customers themselves should avoid buying products with too much packaging. Consider both arguments and present your viewpoint.

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One concerning trend among young
people
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 is the declining participation in outdoor recreational
activities
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 during holidays and weekends.
This
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 essay will discuss the two main reasons for
this
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 trend and offer possible ways to encourage more young
people
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 to spend
time
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 in nature. Increased screen
time
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 can be one of the reasons why outdoor
activities
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 have fallen out of favour with young
people
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. Social media platforms — Instagram, TikTok, YouTube — captivate young
people
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's attention for hours each day and make them addicted to digital entertainment.
This
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, in turn, can lead youngsters to label outdoor recreational
activities
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 as less exciting because the stimulation they get from screens is much higher than that of nature.
As a result
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, indoor entertainment may prevent them from exploring nature-associated
activities
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such
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 as hiking and climbing.
In addition
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 to increased screen
time
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, young
people
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 often lead busy lifestyles. They often spend their days studying for examinations, attending school or university, or working part-
time
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. By the
time
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 holidays or weekends arrive, the academic pressure, mental and physical strain resulting from these commitments, can leave them with little energy or no desire to pursue other physically demanding outdoor
activities
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.
However
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, there are several ways by which governments can promote participation in outdoor
activities
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. One effective measure would be to organise structured and appealing camping trips and hiking clubs. To make it more attractive, they can invite famous sportspeople and influencers who promote active and healthy lifestyles.
This
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 strategy could lead to more socially engaging experiences and allow young
people
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 not only to spend
time
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 outdoors but
also
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 to have meaningful weekends and holidays. Another effective approach is to renovate local parks, gardens, and hiking trails. By incorporating more benches and picnic tables in these areas, governments could provide young
people
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 with places to rest whenever they feel exhausted.
This
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 would help reduce the physical strain caused by long walks and hikes, making outdoor
activities
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 more comfortable and accessible for them. In conclusion, the main factors that prevent young
people
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 from engaging in outdoor
activities
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 are increased screen
time
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 and busy lifestyles, leaving them with little energy by the end of the week. By organising socially engaging trips with influencers and athletes and renovating local parks and hiking trails to incorporate more rest stops, young
people
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 can be encouraged to participate in them.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear at the start. Say exactly that you will discuss reasons and ways.
task response
Add one more real or clear example to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
coherence cohesion
Some ideas are a bit long. Split long sentences to make each point easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words with more care. You already use them well, but a few parts can sound more natural with shorter links.
task response
You answer all parts of the task and stay on the topic all the way.
task response
Your ideas are clear and well explained in each body paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are well ordered, and your linking words help the reader follow your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive packaging
  • sustainability
  • environmental impact
  • landfills
  • pollution
  • eco-friendly
  • consumer behavior
  • responsibility
  • purchasing decisions
  • recyclable packaging
  • collaborative effort
  • marketing strategies
  • brand image
  • corporate social responsibility
  • waste reduction
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