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Writing Samples
Band 2

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The discussion about successful sports professionals making a great deal more money than other essential workers becomes a considerable debate, and some people agree with that statement
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 others disagree. I reckon that all employees should be viable in their own
, it
Check wording
right, it
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 is not about the type of work
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they do. Since each job has its own difficulties and responsibilities. It is not ethically true that people
categorize
Change the spelling
categorise
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 or prioritise the place of
job
Correct article usage
a job
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 based on the way they
give
Verb problem
make
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 a profit. Doctors cannot replicate the sports trainers, teaching extremely dangerous activities to the students. To profit hugely, everyone should attempt to succeed, without thinking about the difference in salary
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 or being upset with life. Having done enough work, we may start on the payment for our service. It is unfair to classify occupations, leading to jealousy among companies. Not only does it affect our satisfaction, but
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also
Correct word choice
apply
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it arises break-up of friendships. Statistics provided by 'RUXSOR' magazine say that it is a sign of luck not to tell your salary to others.
To sum up
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, despite of what job you have, the key is not about the ranking list, it is about the success.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why high pay for sports people is right, and why it is not right.
task response
Give your own view in a clear way and keep it the same from start to end.
task response
Add one real and clear example for each main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body part, and explain it more.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like first, also, however, and in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Some parts do not connect well. Make sure each sentence follows the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a short end.
task response
You try to give your own opinion.
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The essay stays on the topic most of the time.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
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