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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As computers are being used more and more in education, there will soon be no role for teachers in the classroom. Do you agree or disagree with this statement.

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Computer has
Correct subject-verb agreement
Computers have
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 been of great
utilization
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utilisation
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 in today's education, and
this
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 results in the thought of
classroom
Use synonyms
teachers
Use synonyms
 going into extinction. I totally agree with the opinion of physical
teachers
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 being replaced by learning through the internet because of its easy affordability and ease of access.
However
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, the interactive nature of physical teaching will always be a top tier.
To begin
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 with, the vast use of electronic gadgets
such
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 as phones and computers facilitates learning through the internet.
it's
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Its
 easy access at
every
Correct determiner usage
any
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 time has made it convenient for individuals to educate themselves whenever the need arises.
Thus
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, making learning more efficient.
For example
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, a student can easily read up about a topic at
comfort
Correct article usage
the comfort
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 of the home without having to procrastinate till the next school day.
This
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 attitude fosters continuous learning.
Secondly
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, the use of
computer
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computers
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 for education is cheap. With inflation being the order of the day, individuals will naturally utilise the cheaper source of learning,
thus
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,
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apply
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 boycotting the traditional learning method through the
classroom
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.
This
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 enables them to save money and channel the funds for education into other things.
However
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, having physical
teachers
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 in the
classroom
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 can not be totally replaced because
teachers
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 interact directly with the students during learning.
This
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 enhances understanding and
also
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 creates room for feedback and corrections.
For example
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, direct illustrations given by a maths teacher during a teaching session
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 helped a student to answer a
GSCE
Correct your spelling
GCSE
 question correctly.
This
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 enabled her to pass the exam. To summarise, online learning has grown to the point of displacing
teachers
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 in the
classroom
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 because of its ease of use and
easy
Correct word choice
apply
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affordability. But, the
one on one
Correct your spelling
one-on-one
 discussions
that
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 experienced with physical
teachers
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 will make them
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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still be in existence.

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task response
Make your main view fully clear from start to end. You say you totally agree, but later you say teachers will still have a role. This makes your answer less clear.
task response
Choose one clear side. If you partly agree, say that in the introduction and keep that same view in all body parts and the end.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some points are good, but they need one more step: tell why cheap cost or easy use means teachers may have less role.
task response
Use examples that are more direct and clear. Your examples are useful, but they can be more specific and closer to the main question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some jumps are sudden. Use simple words like 'also', 'because', 'so', 'but', and 'therefore' in a careful way.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main idea only. This will help the reader follow your points more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection inside paragraphs. A few lines need better flow, such as the move from computer use to no teachers.
task response
You answered the topic and gave reasons for your view.
task response
You used examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has both an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are clear and easy to see.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital learning
  • Personalized guidance
  • Blended learning
  • Remote education
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Human interaction
  • Cultural dimension
  • Mentorship
  • Critical thinking
  • Educational technology
  • Learning outcomes
  • Role model
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