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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The pie charts show the revenue sources and expenditures of a children’s charity in the USA in one year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

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The two pie charts demonstrate the sources of
revenue
Use synonyms
 and
expenditures
Use synonyms
 of a children's charity in the United States of America in one year.
Overall
Linking Words
, most
revenue
Use synonyms
 came from donated food,
while
Linking Words
 others accounted for less than 15%. Meanwhile, almost all
expenditures
Use synonyms
 were on program services and a bit on fundraising
and
Punctuation problem
,
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 management and general. The
revenue
Use synonyms
 of the children's charity consisted of donated food, accounting for the highest proportion, 86.6%,
while
Linking Words
 money from
an
Correct article usage
apply
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investment income and government grants accounted only for 0.2% each.
In addition
Linking Words
, community contributions contributed more, accounting for 10.4%,
while
Linking Words
 program
revenue
Use synonyms
 was much less, accounting for 2.2% of the total
revenue
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 program
revenue
Use synonyms
 was not the highest,
expenditures
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
 were the highest, accounting for 95.8%.
Expenditures
Use synonyms
 on fundraising and management and general accounted for 2.6% and 1.6%, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 88%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words revenue, expenditures with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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