IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Australia. Summerize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar chart demonstrates the proportion of 3 types of different kind of
people
Use synonyms
 visiting venues in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, as the bar chart shows
that
Correct word choice
,
show examples
 cinema is dominant as the most visited,
while
Linking Words
 theatre
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 the least number of
people
Use synonyms
attend to
Wrong verb form
attending
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
zoo
Correct article usage
the zoo
show examples
 attracted all different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
populate
Replace the word
people
 more evenly than the others. Most of customers visit the zoo are from the English-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
 that settled down in Australia at 50%.
While
Linking Words
 the
visited
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in non-English
countries
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the least visited at about 35%. Approximately 41% of native
Australian
Fix the agreement mistake
Australians
show examples
also
Linking Words
 visit the zoo.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
show examples
 are most likely to attract
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
non-English-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
 at slightly over 50%, the highest rate of all different places. There are considerably
small different
Replace the word
smaller differences
 in
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
native
Australian
Fix the agreement mistake
Australians
show examples
 and
people
Use synonyms
 from English-speaking nations
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
 the library at about 49% and 50%. Cinema is obviously the most visited by all three kinds of
people
Use synonyms
 with 70% of native
Australian
Fix the agreement mistake
Australians
show examples
, 61% of
people
Use synonyms
 from English-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
 and 50% of
people
Use synonyms
 from
others
Correct word choice
other
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, theatre
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 the least popular venue
as
Correct word choice
, with
show examples
 just 20% of the native, 25% of the English-dominant nation
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, 10% of the other
countries
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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