IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people say that the internet is not such a great invention. They believe that the internet has caused nothing but problems for both society and for the individual person. To what extent do you agree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
I completely disagree that
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is not
such
Linking Words
 a great invention.
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
show examples
 is useful if you use it correctly for a good purpose.
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
show examples
 saved humans
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of time
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 now you can send money
round
Change preposition
around
show examples
 the world without going anywhere.
Also
Linking Words
internet
Use synonyms
 can connect
people
Use synonyms
 around the world by talking or texting each other.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide evidence to support my opinion.
First,
Linking Words
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is one of the best inventions in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history.
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
show examples
 helped many
people
Use synonyms
,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 online classes or paying with your phone without having
your
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 credit card.
Second,
Linking Words
it
also
Linking Words
 helped many humans to get entertained. A
studied
Replace the word
study
 showed that smartphones have become the most used screen for watching online videos
about
Change preposition
, with about
show examples
 70 to 75 percent that shows that
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is useful.
Lastly
Linking Words
, nowadays you can have something to ask
24/7
Correct pronoun usage
anything 24/7
show examples
Punctuation problem
, any
show examples
any question
Check wording
apply
show examples
and it is AI.
Ai
Capitalize the word
AI
show examples
 is
useful
Punctuation problem
useful,
show examples
 you can literally get any information you want and ask questions too.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 I completely agree that
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 can cause problems for both society and for the individual person.
First,
Linking Words
Sometimes
Correct determiner usage
sometimes the
show examples
internet
Use synonyms
 can have some disadvantage
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 cyber bullying caused many
people
Use synonyms
their
Verb problem
to lose their
show examples
 lives and depression too.
Second,
Linking Words
privacy many
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 their devices get hacked
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
 their accounts get hacked
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can cause many problems
losing
Change preposition
, such as losing
show examples
 their bank account or
lose
Wrong verb form
losing
show examples
 accounts in general.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
internet
Use synonyms
 addiction
many
Punctuation problem
, many
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 use
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 for a long time
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can cause
your
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 vision
become
Verb problem
to become
show examples
 weaker or staying up all night doing
noting
Use the right word
nothing
show examples
. A study showed
about
Correct word choice
that about
show examples
 65
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 use their phones
above
Change preposition
for more than
show examples
 7 hours a day
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
and it
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 is a lot of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
screen time. In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are many advantages
for
Change preposition
to the
show examples
internet
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
Linking Words
however their
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 are
some
Rephrase
also some
show examples
 disadvantages to the
internet
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give one clear answer from start to end. You say you fully disagree, but later you fully agree. This makes your position hard to follow.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some points are short, so the reader cannot see why they are important.
task response
Use examples that are clear and real. Some examples are too general or not well explained.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas in a clear way. One body part can be about good points, and one body part can be about bad points, but your opinion must stay clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way. Words like first, second, however, and lastly are helpful, but some are used too much.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence connect well to the next one. Some parts feel like a list, not a full discussion.
task response
You answer the topic and talk about both society and people.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use simple examples such as money transfer, online classes, and hacking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: