IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people say that the internet is not such a great invention. They believe that the internet has caused nothing but problems for both society and for the individual person. To what extent do you agree?

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I completely disagree that the
internet
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 is not
such
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 a great invention. The
Internet
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 is useful if you use it correctly for a good purpose. The
Internet
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 saved humans a lot of time ,
for example
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, now you can send money around the world without going anywhere.
Also
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, the
internet
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 can connect
people
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 around the world by talking or texting each other.
This
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 essay will provide evidence to support my opinion.
First,
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the
internet
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 is one of the best inventions in history. The
Internet
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 helped many communities,
for example
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, online classes or paying with your phone without having a credit card.
Second,
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it
also
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 helped many humans to get entertained. A study showed that smartphones have become the most used screen for watching online videos , with about 70 to 75 percent that shows that the
internet
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 is useful.
Lastly
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, nowadays you can have something to ask anything 24/7, and it is AI. AI is useful
,
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;
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 you can literally get any information you want and ask questions , too.
However
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, I completely agree that the
internet
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 can cause problems for both society and
for
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apply
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the individual person.
First,
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sometimes the
internet
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 can have some disadvantage
for example
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, cyber bullying caused many
people
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 to lose their lives and depression too. Second, many
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people ,'s
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people's
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 devices get hacked , or their accounts get hacked , which can cause many problems ,
such
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 as losing their bank account or losing accounts in general.
Lastly
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,
internet
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 addiction , many
people
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 use the
internet
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 for a long time , which can cause their vision to become weaker or staying up all night doing nothing. A study showed that about 65 per cent of
people
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 use their phones for more than 7 hours a day , which is a lot of screen time. In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are many advantages to the
internet
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 , but there are
also
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 some disadvantages to the
internet
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.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear from start to end. You say you completely disagree, but later you say you completely agree too. Choose one clear view and keep it all through the essay.
task response
Answer the question more directly. The task asks 'to what extent do you agree', so say if you mostly disagree, partly agree, or fully agree, and show this in each body part.
task response
Give stronger support for each main idea. Some examples are too general, like AI or videos. Add one short real case and explain how it supports your point.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas more clearly. One body part can be about good points and one about bad points, but your own view should control both parts.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words. Words like 'however', 'for example', 'because', 'as a result', and 'overall' can help show the path of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one simple plan: main idea, reason, example, result. This will make the essay easier to follow.
task response
You answer the topic and talk about both good and bad sides of the internet.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use some examples, such as sending money, online classes, hacking, and cyber bullying.
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