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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that students should take a gap year after high school to work. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

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Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that learners should take a break from high school to work.
This
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 issue has sparked considerable debate, and I firmly agree that taking a temporary break before pursuing higher
education
Use synonyms
 can be highly beneficial.
This
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 essay will present well-supported arguments to justify my stance. One of the most compelling reasons is that taking a break from high school can have a positive impact on
students
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' mental health. By taking an academic break, they can acquire practical life skills and gain valuable real-world experience.
This
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 allows them to return to their studies with renewed motivation and confidence.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in China found that teenagers who worked
while
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 continuing or pausing their studies were more positive, hardworking, and responsible than those who focused solely on academics.
This
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 example clearly supports my viewpoint.
Furthermore
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, working helps young
people
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 develop a strong sense of responsibility. In the workplace, they learn essential qualities
such
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 as punctuality, discipline, teamwork, and accountability, all of which are valuable for their future careers.
Moreover
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,
students
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 can earn money to finance their higher
education
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instead
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 of relying entirely on their families. They can
also
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 contribute to household expenses, reducing the financial burden on their parents.
According to
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 a study conducted by researchers, many families are unable to afford higher
education
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 because of limited financial resources.
Therefore
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, taking a temporary break
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 work enables
students
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 to save money for university
while
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also
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 meeting some of their own financial needs. In my opinion, a temporary break from studies is both beneficial and necessary for many young
people
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.
Such
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 a break helps them become more mature, responsible, and productive members of society.
Additionally
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, when more young
people
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 join the workforce, they contribute to economic growth and increase the country's productivity.
However
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, governments should establish vocational training programmes to equip
students
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 with practical skills and improve their employment opportunities. In
this
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 way, young
people
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 can support themselves financially
while
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 preparing for a successful future. In conclusion, taking a temporary break from
education
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 to gain work experience offers numerous benefits, including improved mental well-being, greater financial independence, and the development of essential life skills.
Therefore
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, I strongly believe that
students
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 should be encouraged to take
such
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 opportunities before pursuing higher
education
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.

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task response
Make your main answer even more direct in each body part. Say clearly how each point shows why a gap year is good.
task response
Add one short idea about the other side. For example, say that some students may lose study habit, then explain why you still agree.
task response
Some examples are a bit general. Use one more clear and real example to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing is easy to follow, but some linking words are used too often. Try to vary them.
coherence and cohesion
A few ideas repeat, like work making students more responsible. Try to develop one idea more instead of saying it again.
coherence and cohesion
Make paragraph 3 focus only on money, and keep paragraph 4 only for your final view. This will make the plan even cleaner.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give a strong opinion from the start.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant and stay on the topic.
task response
You use examples to support your points, which helps your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs follow a logical order, so the reader can follow your thinking well.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words like 'Moreover' and 'Furthermore' help connect ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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