IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think cars are a better way of transportation around the city while other prefer cycling. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Public believe that
cars
Use synonyms
 are
good
Correct article usage
a good
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mean
Replace the word
means
 of transport when travelling around the city.
However
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,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 are of the opinion that using cycling is a better option.
This
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 issue has sparked considerable debate
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I partially agree with it based on logical reasoning and
real world
Correct your spelling
real-world
 relevance
a
Punctuation problem
. A
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 clear conclusion can be drawn.The essay will present
well suported
Correct your spelling
well-supported
 arguments to justify my stance. One of the most compelling
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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,
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apply
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 is that cycles are
environment
Replace the word
environmentally
 friendly vehicles.They are not causing any damage to the atmosphere.
Infact
Correct your spelling
In fact
, they are contributing to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society by limiting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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carbon cuts.
While
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cars
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
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cause
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
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 in pollution.
Cars
Use synonyms
 are causing global warming.
According to
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 a survey conducted on air pollution in
Japan
Punctuation problem
Japan,
show examples
suggests that
Verb problem
the
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 emission of toxic
gasses
Use the right word
gases
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 from
cars
Use synonyms
 are major contributor
in
Change preposition
to
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 causing air pollution.Another reason is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 cycling
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 physical fitness.Cycling is a good
physicical
Correct your spelling
physical
 exercise that can
prevents
Wrong verb form
prevent
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 us from many health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. A study performed
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Yale University suggests that cycling reduces the possibility of angina and heart attacks. On
theother
Correct your spelling
the other
 hand, we can not ignore the fact that by using
cars
Use synonyms
 we can
reach
Verb problem
arrive
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 on time as they are fast and reliable. Apart from that
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 emergency situations
Use synonyms
cars
Punctuation problem
, cars
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 are very helpful.
For instance
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, in case of any emergency
situation
Add a comma
situation,
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 one can bring their loved ones to the
hospitals
Check wording
hospital
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 in time. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 a balanced approach is necessary. We should maintain a balance between using
cars
Use synonyms
 and cycles.
Thus
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using
Punctuation problem
, using
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 cycles
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 a
lots
Fix the agreement mistake
lot
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 of
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 to our
heath
Correct your spelling
health
 and environment.
However
Linking Words
, at the same time
using
Punctuation problem
, using
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
 can
helps
Wrong verb form
help
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 us in emergency situations.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk more about cycling than cars.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way from the start and keep it the same to the end.
task response
Add one more clear idea for why cars are better, not only speed and emergency use.
coherence and cohesion
Use short topic sentences at the start of each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with words like first, also, however, and in my view.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some ideas are hard to follow because many points are in one long sentence.
task response
You discuss both cars and cycling, so you address the full task.
task response
You give examples about air pollution and health, which helps support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like however, apart from that, and in my opinion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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