IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Homework 3 (optional): Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think that it can be harmful for children. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is advantageous for
kids
Use synonyms
 to
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others believe it is not helpful for
kids
Use synonyms
 to.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
beneficial
Replace the word
the benefits
 and drawbacks of
children
Use synonyms
 doing work.
Firstly
Linking Words
, one major advantage of
kids
Use synonyms
 to do work development skills
such
Linking Words
 as communication and responsibility.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
 are working
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
more
contact
Check wording
apply
show examples
with
people
Use synonyms
 and depending on
self
Fix the agreement mistake
themselves
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in 1998 their studay at UK they reported some
children
Use synonyms
more
Verb problem
had more
show examples
 highly
cummincated
Correct your spelling
concentrated
 than college because they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a
job
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,working
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 can help them to gain experience.
Use synonyms
Children
Punctuation problem
Children,
show examples
 when becoming young
and
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 will be joining new
job
Use synonyms
 they easily fit
the
Correct word order
into a new job environment
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
 for
job
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 who have
not expierence
Correct your spelling
no
job
Use synonyms
 that difficult to
fitting
Wrong verb form
fit
show examples
 into
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, when I was 17 years
old
Punctuation problem
old,
show examples
 I worked
in
Change preposition
during my
show examples
 summer
vacation
Punctuation problem
vacation,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 I graduated from college
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I joined a new company
it
Punctuation problem
. It was
show examples
 easy to adapt
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 some disadvantages of working
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
Use synonyms
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 is stressful and not
taking
Verb problem
having
show examples
 enough time to sleep. Younger
children
Use synonyms
 need more time for sleeping than older
.
Check wording
children.
show examples
 In statistics in KSA
sleep
Punctuation problem
, sleep
show examples
 is impact of growthing
children
Use synonyms
.
Secondary
Replace the word
Secondly
,
working
Replace the word
the work
 of
children
Use synonyms
 can impact
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 education.
While
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 work not fucced to study because they have money and think not need to get certificate of college
.
Check wording
certificate.
show examples
 In
KSA
Punctuation problem
KSA,
show examples
 there are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
people
Use synonyms
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 not graduated because when they
Verb problem
were young
show examples
young
Punctuation problem
young,
show examples
 they worked. In conclusion, working
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 have both advantages and disadvantages.
Although
Linking Words
 they can improve skills
such
Linking Words
 as communication, responsibility and adaptability in
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
. They
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
 affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education and growth

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give a clear answer early. Say if good points are more than bad points, or not.
task response
Explain each main idea more. Show why it is true and how it links to children.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to trust. Your UK study example is hard to understand now.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body part and keep the order clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use easy linking words well, like first, also, however, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects clearly to the one before it.
task response
You answered both sides of the topic.
task response
You gave some examples from life and from your country.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used clear paragraphing for good points and bad points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: