IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

most people do not care enough about environmental issues . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
It is widely believed that individual
humans
Use synonyms
 neglect environmental
issues
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 I understand why some
people
Use synonyms
 hold
this
Linking Words
 view , I largely agree because many individuals fail to make
environmental
Replace the word
environmentally
 friendly choices On the one hand, environmental pollution is becoming more serious
Use synonyms
humans
Correct word choice
because humans
show examples
lack
Use synonyms
 environmental awareness
, on
Punctuation problem
. On
show examples
 top of that , they think one person's actions cannot make a difference. As a
result
Use synonyms
 , pollution continues to increase
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 damages the
environment
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
in addition
Linking Words
, a
lack
Use synonyms
 of
oxygen
Use synonyms
 occurs in the
environment
Use synonyms
anything
Correct word choice
, as anything
show examples
 but
humans
Use synonyms
ought to
Verb problem
need
show examples
oxygen
Use synonyms
 to survive .
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
nowadays
Punctuation problem
nowadays,
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 are even embarrassed to pick
Verb problem
up
show examples
litter
Use synonyms
 On the other hand, Examples of environmental
issues
Use synonyms
 include cutting down
trees
Use synonyms
, littering, and polluting rivers. Given that if
trees
Use synonyms
 are cut down, a
lack
Use synonyms
 of
oxygen
Use synonyms
 may occur since
trees
Use synonyms
 produce
oxygen
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
moreover
Capitalize the word
Moreover
show examples
, if
people
Use synonyms
 throw
litter
Use synonyms
 on the streets , it can seriously damage the
environment
Use synonyms
.
As a
Linking Words
Use synonyms
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 the
environment
Use synonyms
 becomes more polluted and less healthy for
people
Use synonyms
 and animals,
for example
Linking Words
, both
humans
Use synonyms
 and species may suffer from a
lack
Use synonyms
 of
oxygen
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
This problem
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
 solution
people
Use synonyms
should
Wrong verb form
to
show examples
 plant more
trees
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 would improve air quality and help protect the
environment
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
. Furthermore
show examples
furthermore
Linking Words
,
Trees
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in producing
oxygen
Use synonyms
. I largely agree that many individuals neglect environmental
issues
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
This
Linking Words
 is because many
people
Use synonyms
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 convenience over environmental protection.
As a
Linking Words
result
Use synonyms
, they continue to use single-use plastics and ignore recycling
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
For instance
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 throw rubbish on the streets
instead
Linking Words
 of using bins.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I
willing
Verb problem
am willing
show examples
,
Verb problem
to bet that
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 care enough about
Use synonyms
environment
Replace the word
environmental
issues
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the government could solve the environmental problem with
people
Use synonyms
 if
people
Use synonyms
 are not even embarrassed to pick
litter
Use synonyms
 and they don't throw
litter
Use synonyms
 on the streets, it cannot seriously damage the
environment
Use synonyms
.
As a
Linking Words
result
Use synonyms
, in the
future
Punctuation problem
future,
show examples
 more
oxygen
Use synonyms
 would be produced, benefiting both
humans
Use synonyms
 and animals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main idea more clear in each part. Say one point, then explain it, then give one example.
task response
Answer the question more directly from start to end. Keep your view the same and repeat it clearly.
task response
Use examples that are more real and more exact. For example, talk about plastic bags, car use, or waste at home.
coherence and cohesion
Put ideas in a better order. Some lines now are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, because, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same idea too many times, like oxygen and litter. Add new support instead.
task response
You gave a clear opinion: you mostly agree.
task response
You wrote about the topic all the way through.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You used some linking words such as while, on the one hand, furthermore, and as a result.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prioritize
  • immediate needs
  • connect with
  • distant
  • abstract
  • economic considerations
  • growing awareness
  • active participation
  • initiatives
  • movements
  • impacts
  • well-being
What to do next:
Look at other essays: