IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of employees from the European Union in the United States (1999).

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The bar chart gives information on the
number
Use synonyms
 of
employees
Use synonyms
 from the European
union
Capitalize the proper name
Union
show examples
 in the United States in different sectors.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
 accounted for the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
employees
Use synonyms
 in 2003,
whereas
Linking Words
 self employed
sector
Use synonyms
 registered the largest
number
Use synonyms
 of
employees
Use synonyms
 in 2013. Meanwhile,
hotel
Correct article usage
the hotel
show examples
 industry
numbered lowest
Correct word order
had the lowest number of
show examples
employees
Use synonyms
 in 2003,
while
Linking Words
unemployed
Replace the word
the unemployment
sector
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the smallest figure in 2013. In 2003, business was the dominant
sector
Use synonyms
 at around 47, followed by
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
 at 20. Unemployed and self-employed presented
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 numbers at 11.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
hotel
Correct article usage
the hotel
show examples
 industry registered the smallest
number
Use synonyms
 of
employees
Use synonyms
 at around 4. By 2013, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
employees
Use synonyms
 in sectors, including medical, business, and unemployed
significantly
Punctuation problem
, significantly
show examples
 reduced, reaching from 20 to 10, about 47 to 28, and 11 to 5.
However
Linking Words
, the figures for sectors, including education
training
Correct word choice
and training
show examples
,
hotel
Correct article usage
the hotel
show examples
 industry, building, and self-employed
considerably
Punctuation problem
, considerably
show examples
 increased, climbing from approximately 8 to 18, 4 to 19, 10 to 20, and 11 to 31.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, employees, sector with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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