In some countires, many young people choose to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting universitiy studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages

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The mentality has greatly changed in some communities.
Therefore
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, it is really popular for the young generation to have a long break to travel abroad or work after obtaining a high school degree and before the
begining
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beginning
of the
accademic
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academic
year at the
universitiy
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university
.
This
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essay will discuss the
benifits
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benefits
and the drawbacks of
this
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trend.
To begin
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with
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with,
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the advantages
,
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of
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travelling abroad or being exposed to a work experience at
this
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age
has
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have
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numerous
benifits
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benefits
. It is a great opportunity to gain not just office skills but
also
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,
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apply
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personal skills.
In addition
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, they can depend on themselves in many
life aspects
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aspects of life
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.
Also
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,travelling can be
invested
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used
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to learn a new foreign language.
For example
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, many high school graduates in my country tend to travel to the United Kingdom to improve their English language skills.
However
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, there are some disadvantages which
includes
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include
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the delay of the
begining
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beginning
of the
universitiy
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university
course.
This
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will
resault
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result
in the
lost
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loss
of good job positions in the future, since
thete
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there
is a high demand and
the
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a
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lack of job chances in many parts of the world.
Also
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,
traveling
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travelling
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at a young age can create an exciting lifestyle for many of them. It will be
definitly
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definitely
difficult for them to step out of their comfort zone. As
,
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apply
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studying at a
colledge requiers
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college requires
hard
working
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work
and
disipline
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discipline
In conclusion, working or travelling experience after high school can build a strong personality and enhance
the
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apply
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knowledge towards other cultures. It can
also
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,
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apply
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lead to certain issues and
dificulties
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difficulties
in the future.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more full way. Write a bit more about why each point is good or bad.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas for each body part. One body part for good points, one body part for bad points.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
task response
Give one more clear example for the bad side, not only the good side.
coherence and cohesion
Make each idea easy to follow. Some lines are not fully clear now.
task response
You answered the question and talked about both good and bad sides.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You gave a real example about travel to the United Kingdom.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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