IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
Nowadays, one of the most important things in our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 is health. Without
it
Add a comma
it,
show examples
 we can not work or enjoy our
life
Use synonyms
. Any diseases take the
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
 of our
life
Use synonyms
. But the problem is that not everybody has enough money to pay for consultations with doctors.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these
people
Use synonyms
 just live with illnesses they have, and one day, it can
takes
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 their
life
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, everyone has
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to visit doctors and to take
tratment
Correct your spelling
treatment
 for free, even if it won't be done with the latest medicines.
However
Linking Words
, sometimes the problem is
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 doctors in free clinics, who want extra money for their job from the patients. To illustrate it,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
any
people
Use synonyms
 from our country expose their personal experience with
that kind
Fix the agreement mistake
those kinds
show examples
 of situations
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media.
Additionally
Linking Words
, goverment should spend more money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 free medicine than
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 some festivals that do not have
connection
Correct article usage
a connection
show examples
 with our traditions.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can open
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 volunteering program, where
people
Use synonyms
 could donate
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 medicine, because everyone should understand that it can help them too.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
donation
Check wording
donations
show examples
 should be as a web page,
scammers
Correct word choice
so scammers
show examples
 can appear.
Secondly
Linking Words
, goverment must illustrate to
people
Use synonyms
 why it is important, because without that,
people
Use synonyms
 won't be interested. In conclusion, I want to say that we should care about our health and not
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
do stupid things at
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
. Children should be
tough
Use the right word
taught
show examples
 from childhood about
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
show examples
 of every part of
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 and organs, to eat healthy food, and maybe
then
Linking Words
 the number of
illners
Correct your spelling
ill people
would be reduced.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree in the first paragraph and keep this view all through the essay.
task response
Add one clear main idea in each body paragraph, then explain it more. Some ideas are short or move away from the topic.
task response
Use examples that directly match the question. The part about festivals and childhood health is not close enough to the main point.
coherence cohesion
Make your ideas link in a more natural way. Some sentences do not follow well from the one before.
coherence cohesion
Use clear paragraph focus. Paragraph 3 mixes free health care, public spending, and charity, so the main point is not fully clear.
coherence cohesion
Check linking words. Words like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' should be used only when they clearly list points about the same idea.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You stay on the topic of health care for most of the essay.
task response
You give a real-world example about people sharing their experience online.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • basic health care
  • free public health service
  • medical treatment
  • latest treatment
  • too expensive
  • save lives
  • see a doctor
  • early treatment
  • hospital bill
  • fall into debt
  • rich and poor
  • fair system
  • public money
  • limited budget
  • emergency care
  • common illness
  • serious disease
  • old people
  • drug company
  • lower the cost
  • make treatment available
  • help a larger number of people
  • to a large extent
  • in my view
  • for example
  • as a result
  • on the one hand
  • on the other hand
What to do next:
Look at other essays: