IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Education is the most powerful weapon in the world. Some individuals believe that universities should have equal numbers of boys and girls in each subject. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion since admissions to high-ranked institutions should not solely depend upon your race. It should always be in accordance with your level of education to maintain fairness. Commencing with the most salient reason why colleges should not accept peer groups to maintain
gender
Use synonyms
 equality. First and foremost, they should primarily focus on the merits and the potential of applicants rather than enforcing
gender
Use synonyms
 quotas. In
this
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 way, deserving candidates will reserve their seats in high-ranked institutions based on their achievements, skills, and knowledge, regardless of race.
For instance
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, it has been widely observed that acceptance in foreign universities is completely based on your scores.
Furthermore
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, imposing strict
gender
Use synonyms
 ratios might overlook natural differences in interest and choice between genders among various courses. To exemplify, there may be a higher interest among females in nursing and psychology and
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 males in engineering or computer science. These choices should not be suppressed in the name of
gender
Use synonyms
 equality.
To conclude
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, universities should not primarily focus on
gender
Use synonyms
 equality when enrolling students
in particular
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 courses. To maintain fairness among individuals and give them options to choose from respective
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
according to
Linking Words
 their likes or dislikes
instead
Linking Words
 of imposing decission to them.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly in each body part. Keep linking every idea to why equal numbers are not needed.
task response
Use clearer examples. The example about foreign universities is too general and does not fully prove your point.
task response
Develop your ideas more. Explain how merit-based entry is fair and why choice of subject matters.
coherence and cohesion
Make paragraph topic sentences clearer. This helps the reader follow your argument step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some phrases are not natural, and a few ideas feel hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same point in different words. Add one new reason or stronger support instead.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep the same position to the end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
Your second main point about subject choice is relevant to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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