IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
Some people are of the opinion that having
exact
Correct article usage
an exact
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of ladies and gentlemen as
students
Use synonyms
 in every
subject
Use synonyms
 should be adopted.
While
Linking Words
 I agree
to
Change preposition
with these
show examples
this
Linking Words
 thoughts, to some extent , because
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 in every
subject
Use synonyms
 improves
Use synonyms
gender
Correct article usage
the gender
show examples
 ratio
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
further
Linking Words
 enhances
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
 mind. I disagree to an extent because
both
Use synonyms
genders
Use synonyms
 do not have similar
desire
Check wording
desires
show examples
 for every
subject
Use synonyms
. 
Firstly
Linking Words
, having
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 in each
subject
Use synonyms
 improves
Use synonyms
gender
Correct article usage
the gender
show examples
 ratio.
This
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 makes it easy to have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
gender
Use synonyms
representative
Fix the agreement mistake
representatives
show examples
 in school
task
Check wording
tasks
show examples
 and competitions. Statistics have shown that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
females
Use synonyms
 have more recall memories
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
males
Use synonyms
 show more bravery in times of pressure.
Thus
Linking Words
,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
having
exact
Correct article usage
an exact
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of these
Use synonyms
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 in university academic task, it makes it easy for each
gender
Use synonyms
 to feel well represented in the
group
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
 boosting Confidence and
overall
Linking Words
performance
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, reports from
university
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of Nigeria for the 2024 lifestyle quiz competition
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 showed that having
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
females
Use synonyms
 and
males
Use synonyms
 in the quiz for each
group
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 improved the
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
 morale during
performance
Use synonyms
 without feeling low
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 having
the
Correct word order
more males
show examples
males
Use synonyms
 more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
females
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 enhanced their total
performance
Use synonyms
, which
made
Verb problem
enabled
show examples
 the
group
Use synonyms
 to clinch the first position
price
Use the right word
prize
show examples
 against their opponents that have uneven
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 in their
group
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I disagree to an extent that every
gender
Use synonyms
 should be admitted
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 equal
Use synonyms
number
Check wording
numbers
show examples
 for every school
subject
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 each
gender
Use synonyms
 has different
interest
Use synonyms
 for some
subjects
Use synonyms
 than the others, which
further
Linking Words
 drives an increase in demand for that
subject
Use synonyms
, and consequent admission in higher
numbers
Use synonyms
 for those
subjects
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, studies by Ugwu et
al
Correct your spelling
al. (
2020
,
Punctuation problem
)
show examples
 showed that
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 have
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 demand for
science based
Correct your spelling
science-based
courses
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
females
Use synonyms
 have more
interest
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
Art based
Correct your spelling
art-based
subjects
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 drives the higher admission of
males
Use synonyms
 in science
courses
Use synonyms
 and the
females
Use synonyms
 in Art
courses
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 different
interest
Use synonyms
 levels, Boys have higher
numbers
Use synonyms
 in science
subjects
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the girls are more in
numbers
Use synonyms
 in the art
courses
Use synonyms
.  To Summarise,
while
Linking Words
 I believe to a certain level that
both
Use synonyms
genders
Use synonyms
 should be admitted in equal
numbers
Use synonyms
 for each
subject
Use synonyms
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 as to make it easy for equal representation of
both
Use synonyms
genders
Use synonyms
 in school
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
, to improve confidence and
performance
Use synonyms
. I
also
Linking Words
 think that the
number
Use synonyms
 of
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 admitted for a
subject
Use synonyms
 won't be the same.
Since
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is driven by their level of
interest
Use synonyms
 in the course. Being that,
Use synonyms
interest
Correct article usage
the interest
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
subject
Correct article usage
the subject
show examples
does vary
Wrong verb form
varies
show examples
 between
both
Use synonyms
genders
Use synonyms
, admission should be given to the
students
Use synonyms
 based on the
subject
Use synonyms
 they love. And,when
this
Linking Words
 is done, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 admitted for each
subject
Use synonyms
 will vary.
This
Linking Words
to
Punctuation problem
, to
show examples
me
Punctuation problem
me,
show examples
 is accepted.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how much you agree or disagree, and keep this same line all through the essay.
task response
Explain your main ideas more simply and more clearly. Some parts are hard to follow because the reason is not fully clear.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and easy to trust. Your example is detailed, but it sounds made up and does not strongly support the point.
coherence and cohesion
Make your topic sentences shorter and clearer. This helps the reader know the main point of each paragraph fast.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Sometimes you use too many joining words, or the link is not natural.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear idea in each sentence. Some sentences are too long, so the meaning becomes weak.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a main idea and tries to support it.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
What to do next:
Look at other essays: