Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Recently, the
amount
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number
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of individuals with health issues trying other
medicines
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rather than seeing their regular
doctor
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has become increasingly common.I strongly believe that
this
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trend is extremely harmful and leads to several
problems
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problems,
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such
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diseases
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as diseases
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and money
steal
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theft
. The primary reason to prove
this
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negative development is that using alternative
treatments
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will
make
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put
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people life
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people's lives
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in danger
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such
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, such
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as serious diseases
and
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, and
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there is no doubt in that.To elaborate, people when
get
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they get
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sick
they
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, they
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get extremely frustrated
so
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, so
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they will do
anyhing
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anything
to get well
and
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, and
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they usually prefer something easier and faster than going to the docter which is very wrong and dangerous.
This
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means that these individuals will take other
medicines
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from
unnkown
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unknown
sources and without any
aware
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awareness
of the consequences
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such
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, such
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as rare plants.
For instance
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, researchers discover reccently that the
numbers
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number
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of humans who are getting more diseases and sickness is totally from theses type
treatments
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.Another significant factor is that these alternative
medicines
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are
dramaticlly
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dramatically
expensive
which
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, which
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is not affordable for everyone.
Furthermore
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, the providers of these
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treatments
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treatment
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scams
humans
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exploit humans
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and 
used
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use
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their
weakness
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weaknesses
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for their personal profit
not
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, not
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caring about their health and their personality.To illustrate, these scammers promise individuals to solve their health problems and cure them since they lost faith and eventually steal their money.
Therefore
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, I firmly believe that seeing
usual
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a usual
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doctar
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doctor
is more
convient
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convenient
and safe for humans
due to
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the development of science and the great experience of that
doctor
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that he will never harm his patients or scam them. In conclusion, I would argue that people must visit a regular
doctor
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to avoid serious
disieases
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diseases
  and their money stolen
from
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by
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alternative
medicines
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and 
treatments
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.
Furthermore
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,
this
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approach is more logical
consedring
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considering
the
doctor
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is well experienced who will always protect their reputation.

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task response
Answer all parts of the question in a clear way. You gave your opinion, and that is good, but explain it more fully.
task response
Use main ideas that are easy to follow. Some ideas are good, but some sentences are hard to understand.
task response
Give real and clear examples. Your example about researchers is too general.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use short linking words like 'First', 'Also', 'For example', and 'As a result' in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some sentences are too long and mixed, so the meaning is not always clear.
task response
You clearly say your opinion in the introduction and keep it the same to the end.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body, and conclusion, so the essay has a full shape.
task response
Your main points are about danger to health and loss of money, and both are on topic.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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