IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Economic development in countries has increased the standards of living in the cities but not the countryside. What problems could this gap bring for the whole country? How do you think these problems could be reduced?

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In contemporary society, the
development
Use synonyms
 of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 in nations has
surged
Verb problem
improved
show examples
 the quality of life in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urban areas
than
Rephrase
more than
show examples
the
Change preposition
in
show examples
 rural places.
This
Linking Words
 could raise
issue
Check wording
issues
show examples
 in the
overall
Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
 of the country and
reduces
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 the
ecocnomy
Correct your spelling
economy
;
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can be solved by allocating huge
funds
Use synonyms
 and
utlizing
Correct your spelling
utilising
 the technological advancements to improve the standard of living in the countryside.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons
which creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
that create
show examples
 the gap and provide viable solutions to mitigate it. The primary catalyst of
this
Linking Words
 rising issue is
due to
Linking Words
 political and educational reasons. People who
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
 in the villages are unaware of the
governemnent
Correct your spelling
government
 system and the rights which belong to them.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 financial unstability parents are not able to afford their
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 education
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
funds
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 provided by the governement is not sufficient to improve the
infrastructure
Use synonyms
 required for education and
development
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the survey conducted in India reveals that still children in India who
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
 in rural areas are not attending schools regularly
due to
Linking Words
 lack of
infrastructure
Use synonyms
 and financial issues.
As a result
Linking Words
, citizens are unaware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the rules and regulations of the official system and schemes. To mitigate
this
Linking Words
 rising issue,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must enforce strict rules and regulations
to the
Change preposition
on
show examples
 officials to fulfill the alloted work.
Additionally
Linking Words
, by providing huge
funds
Use synonyms
 to build better school
infrastructure
Use synonyms
, improved technology, healthcare systems and roads for transportation, the standard
living
Change preposition
of living
show examples
 of the people can be improved. Awareness campaigns about health care and education should be conducted every month.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the
villageside people
Check wording
villagers'
show examples
 lives can be improved, which directly boosts the
nations
Check wording
nation's
show examples
overall
Linking Words
 economy and
development
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there is a gap between the rural and urban areas
due to
Linking Words
 less
funds
Use synonyms
 and unwareness
this
Linking Words
 can be resolved. By implementing awareness campaigns, allocating massive
funds
Use synonyms
 and improving the
infrastructure
Use synonyms
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
, this
show examples
 can be mitigated.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk about problems and solutions, but the problems for the whole country need more detail.
task response
Make your main ideas clearer in each body paragraph. Start with one clear point, then explain it, then give one example.
task response
Use more direct examples of national problems, like migration to cities, weak farm output, and more poverty.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, but some sentences are hard to follow. Use shorter sentences and simpler links like First, Also, As a result, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph stays on one main idea. The first body paragraph mixes causes with problems.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
You include one example about India, which helps support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like Additionally, For instance, As a result, and Consequently.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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