IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many parts of the world, people rely on private cars for transportation. In what ways does reliance on private cars affect the way we live? Do the effects tend to be positive or negative?

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Vehicles
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 are necessary in everyone's
life
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 to commute from one place to another. In most developed countries, people prefer to
use
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 their
cars
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 for travelling. Private transit affects the way of
life
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 by saving
time
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 and providing more job opportunities,
however
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, we need to give monthly insurance. I believe
this
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 is a positive convenience for humans. There are numerous ways of relying on private
cars
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 affect the living.
Firstly
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,
as a result
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 of more individual
cars
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, folks save their commuting
time
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 from one place to another.
For instance
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, many nations have a limited number of trains or public buses.
Therefore
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, a person has to wait long hours to travel to a different city even which is just 20 kilometers away from their home.
Hence
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, because private motor
vehicles
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 individual saves
time
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, they can
use
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 it to complete their other tasks. I believe the effects of owning transportation are positive,
however
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, we need to pay insurance regularly. If we
use
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 our private motorbike, we have more job opportunities as compared to other competitors who rely on public transport.
For example
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, a person can commute to another city easily for a job but it takes
time
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 for individuals who
use
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 buses.
Therefore
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, private
cars
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 help humans increase their income by finding high-paying jobs in other metropolitan areas.
To conclude
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, provided that more personal
vehicles
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 will improve the way of
life
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 because it is a more convenient way of commuting as well save
time
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 and
also
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 provide privacy to families.
Therefore
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, we get a more comfortable
life
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 as we get away from the hustles of public
vehicles
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.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses each part of the task, as this is essential for achieving a high score for Task Achievement. Your essay should delve deeply into how private car use affects our lives and provide clear examples for each point made. Aim to fully develop your ideas and provide more concrete examples to support your assertions. Complex issues often have both positive and negative effects, and discussing both sides even if you lean towards one can offer a more balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates an acceptable level of coherence and cohesion; however, it could be improved. Aim for a logical progression of ideas, with more sophisticated linking of your main points to your overall argument. Your introduction and conclusion are present, but ensure that they are fully developed and clearly restate the main topic and your viewpoint. Add a topic sentence to each paragraph to enhance readability, and use a mix of cohesive devices to better link your ideas.
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