IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

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It is often argued that primary
schools
Use synonyms
 are conservative and only teach using traditional methods. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 view as today primary
schools
Use synonyms
 give their full attention to traditional learning, but
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 think it is important that
schools
Use synonyms
 should balance between playing and learning in their classrooms. Nowadays,
schools
Use synonyms
 all over the world build their education system around formal teaching and learning. Looking back at the past, since the start of
Use synonyms
schools
Punctuation problem
schools,
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 the learning system
never
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has never
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 changed much till now
,
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;
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 they
only
Verb problem
have only
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focus
Wrong verb form
focused
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 on giving education despite the
ability difference there
Correct word order
differences in ability
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.
Schools
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 follow
age
Correct article usage
an age
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 sequence to decide which grade a student is suitable
.
Change preposition
for.
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Instead
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, they should focus more on ability categories.
For example
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, highly intelligent students who can solve complex mathematical equations should
in
Change preposition
apply
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be placed in a higher grade than the student who cannot.
Consequently
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, ability-grouped
schools
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 produce better results. It is highly crucial that primary
schools
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have to
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apply
show examples
strike a balance between games and lessons. Almost all
schools
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 are only about lessons
which
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, which
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 is quite boring for an early year pupils. Many young people find it hard to study after finishing kindergarten because they may find it difficult going through the phase of only playing to constantly studying. For that reason,
schools
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 should
also
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 focus on rewarding children after each class by giving them time to play outside. A good example is if a young student studies for about three to four hours consecutively, they may feel mentally drained
and
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, and
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 a 20-minute play time after each class would make the difference.
As a result
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, it helps children to adapt to the school environment without feeling mentally tired
and
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, and
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also
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 they would go home with a
full
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sense
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 of excitement to share
to
Change preposition
with
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 their parents about their day at school.
To conclude
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, I believe that primary
schools
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 follow a
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
 education system and
instead
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they give
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apply
show examples
implement
class
Check wording
classes
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 based on ability levels
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
 through age groups. I
also
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 think
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
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 approach of playing and learning is highly crucial for children to get used to
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 atmosphere.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly how much you agree, and then explain why play is important in class.
task response
Keep your main idea close to the question. You talk about ability groups, but this point moves away from the main topic of formal learning and play.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and one simple example. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph. This helps the reader know your main point at once.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences jump too fast from one idea to another.
coherence and cohesion
Check pronouns and small linking words like 'this', 'they', 'instead', and 'for that reason'. Use them only when the meaning is very clear.
task response
You answer both parts of the question, so the reader can see your opinion.
task response
You give examples about school life and play time, which helps support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Words like 'for example', 'consequently', 'as a result', and 'to conclude' help show the order of ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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