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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, people in some countries can choose to live and work anywhere they want because of the improvement in transportation and communication technologies. Discuss the benefits and the drawbacks of the phenomenon.

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In
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
 time,
advance
Replace the word
advanced
 technology and science play a vital role in human lives.
Due to
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 the development of the airline industry and social media, people can live and communicate with their families from overseas easily
Punctuation problem
, any
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any place what
Rephrase
wherever
show examples
 they want.
This
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 essay will
analyze
Change the spelling
analyse
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 the advantages and problems of
this
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 topic.
Following
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this
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 look, a reasoned conclusion will be shared. On the one
side
Check wording
hand
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, several advantages can be mentioned in
this
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 phenomenon. First of all, the migrants provide laborers into the market and bring more energy to the economy of the
countries
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, a recent report shows
,
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 about 60% taxi drivers are Bangladeshi employees in Canada, and they
helped
Verb problem
have helped
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 dramatically with the booming workforce in the
Canada
Replace the word
Canadian
 transportation industry.
In other words
Linking Words
, most of the immigrants can receive a better income and
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 life quality in developed
countries
Use synonyms
.
Thus
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,
this
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 welfare in rich nations can help them build up a new life.
On the contrary
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, there are some disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 achievement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the safety issues because of
terrorizing
Change the spelling
terrorising
show examples
 attacks
perplexed
Verb problem
have perplexed
show examples
 European
countries
Use synonyms
 and America in recent years. To make an example, a study
shown
Wrong verb form
showed
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 that most
terrorizers
Replace the word
terrorists
 are
immigrants from
Check wording
apply
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Muslims and
are
Wrong verb form
have
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 caused thousands of innocent deaths. Alternatively, developing
countries
Use synonyms
 are lacking
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 resources since people
starting
Verb problem
are starting
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 to move to other rich
countries
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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,
this
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 leads to
shorten
Wrong verb form
shortening
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 the gap of wealth between developing
countries
Use synonyms
 and developed
countries
Use synonyms
, threating to the peace because the hatred of the rich would grow.
To conclude
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, the trend of
immigrations
Replace the word
immigration
 globally is
non-stoppable
Replace the word
unstoppable
 in the modern era, and it contains both benefits and problems
to the
Change preposition
for
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 individuals. I believe that it depends on an individual's point of view
,
Change preposition
on
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 how they make
this
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 change.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about good and bad points, but some ideas are short.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear in each body paragraph. Put one clear topic sentence, then explain it.
task response
Use examples that are more careful and general. Some examples seem too strong or not well supported.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple clear way. Sometimes the jump from one idea to the next is hard to follow.
task response
Your ending is present, but your final view is not fully clear. Give a direct overall opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with one clear reason and one clear result.
task response
You answer the topic and discuss both benefits and drawbacks.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples to support your ideas.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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