IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many children today are overweight. This is a serious health problem. Give the reasons responsible for child obesity and offer solutions to solve this problem.

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Obesity is increasing
in the
Change preposition
among
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 children.
This
Linking Words
 is a serious
health
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 concern. There are multiple
reasons
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 that contribute
in
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to
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 making
child
Correct article usage
a child
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over
Correct your spelling
overweight
weight
Use synonyms
.The main
reasons
Use synonyms
 are
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle, eating unhealthy meals and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of awareness. The essay will present
reasons
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 and
solution
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solutions
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 to deal with
this
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health
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 concern. One of the most compelling
reasons
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 is the sedentary
lifestyles
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lifestyle
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.Now,
a days
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apply
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children are more inclined towards online games rather than playing outdoor games.They spend most of their day
by
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apply
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just lying on the bed and playing online games. So, lack of physical exercise makes them fat and unhealthy.One solution to
this
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 problem is regular exercise.
As doing
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Doing
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 regular exercise benefits both mind and
body
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.
Secondly
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, unhealthy
meals
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meal
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 consumption is the basic reason
of
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for
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this
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 problem.
Nevertheless
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, Children prefer meals rich in sugar and salt
and
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, and
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this
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 is
main
Correct article usage
the main
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 reason
of
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for
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 their
weight
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 gain.
According to
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 a report published by
Correct article usage
the WHO
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WHO
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WHO,
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 it is evident that sugar is the main ingredient that causes
weight
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 gain.
However
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, we can cope with
this
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 problem by eating
balanced
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a balanced
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 diet because prevention is better than
cure
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a cure
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. Another factor is
lack
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a lack
show examples
 of awareness. Parents often confuse healthy
weight
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 gain with unhealthy
one
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weight gain
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. Public
health
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 is a national priority.
Thus
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 ,Governments should run programs to guide parents about ideal
body
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weight
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 and BMI calculations.Ultimately, maintaining
ideal
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an ideal
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body
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weight
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 can help a lot in fighting against obesity.
To sum up
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, obesity can cause serious
health
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 concerns
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such
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, such
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 as
blood
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high blood
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 pressure and diabetes.
Thus
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, doing lifestyle modifications and eating healthy
meal
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meals
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 should be our primary goal to combat
against
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apply
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it.As
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 we can not ignore the fact that
health
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 is wealth. So, maintaining an ideal
body
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weight
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 can
provides
Wrong verb form
provide
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 us
a
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with a
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lot
benefits
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of benefits
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such
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 as
longerlife
Correct your spelling
longer life
 and
productive
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a productive
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 workforce.

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task response
Answer both parts fully. You gave reasons and solutions, but some ideas need more detail.
task response
Use clearer main ideas in each body part. One main reason and one clear fix can make your answer stronger.
task response
Give one or two specific examples. This will make your points more strong and real.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your ideas in a clear order. Your essay has a good start, body, and end, but some lines move too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'because', 'so', and 'finally'. Do not use too many linkers.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence joining and spacing. Some parts like 'Now, a days' and 'Thus ,Governments' break the flow.
task response
You answered the topic and talked about both reasons and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and easy to find.
task response
Your main points are relevant to the topic, such as less exercise, bad food, and low awareness.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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