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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages?

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Good health is a fundamental human need.
Therefore
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, some people argue that medical
services
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 should not be operated by profit-making companies.
Although
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 there are some downsides, I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, because it provides convenience and improves the quality of medical care. One of the main drawbacks of the profit-making clinics is that they are often expensive. Low-income families cannot afford medical
treatment
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, which leads to social inequality. Only high-income families are able to receive quicker and more advanced
treatment
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 than those who are limited by financial stability.
Furthermore
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, profit-making companies prioritise
the
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apply
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income and funding over patients’ well-being and health, recommending extra unnecessary
services
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 and charging extra money.
Consequently
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, many people think that medical
services
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 should be controlled under government to maintain social equality. Despite the downsides, I believe private clinics are more advantageous, providing numerous benefits.
Firstly
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, private hospitals often offer a short queue, saving patients time and allowing them to receive a fast diagnosis.
This
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 is important for patients who suffer from severe health issues, as waiting can worsen their condition.
Secondly
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, private hospitals provide with high quality
treatment
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, advanced technologies, and comfortable patient service, which are updated continuously.
Additionally
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, their offer well-qualified doctors and professionals. These investments not only attract individuals and patients
,
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 but
also
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 help to grow the hospital’s reputation. In conclusion,
although
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 private healthcare may increase inequality because of its high cost, I believe its advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Faster
treatment
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, better-quality
services
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 and continuous medical innovation make private healthcare an important component of a modern healthcare system

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task response
For task response: answer the question more fully. You give your opinion, but you can explain more about why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
For task response: add one clear example. This will make your ideas stronger and more real.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your essay has a clear start, body, and end. But some ideas can link more smoothly from one sentence to the next.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: some sentences have small grammar or word choice problems, and this makes the flow less clear. Keep sentence patterns simple and clear.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: support each main point a little more. For example, explain how better technology helps patients in a direct way.
task response
For task response: you answer both sides and give a clear opinion.
task response
For task response: your main ideas are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: the essay is well organized into paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: the introduction and conclusion are both clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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