Some people believe that children should not be allowed to use smartphones until they reach their teenage years.

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It is widely believed that minors should not

use

Use synonyms

digital phones. I completely agree with

this

Linking Words

viewpoint. As

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

it causes addiction, health concerns and exposure to unsuitable content.

This

Linking Words

essay will explain the reasons for my opinion. The primary reason why I support

this

Linking Words

view is addiction .

This

Linking Words

is mainly because smartphone

use

Use synonyms

cause

Correct subject-verb agreement

causes

show examples

dependence.

As a result

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

become addicted to it.

This

Linking Words

addiction is causing

negative

Correct article usage

a negative

show examples

impact on their cognitive abilities.

For example

Linking Words

, it is reported by Yale University

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

that almost 50% of

children

Use synonyms

in a class do their

home-work

Correct your spelling

homework

using

artifical

Correct your spelling

artificial

intelligence.

Therefore

Linking Words

, minors should not be allowed to

use

Use synonyms

smartphone

Check wording

smartphones

show examples

. Another equally important reason is the lack of physical exercise.

This

Linking Words

is because

children

Use synonyms

prefer online

online game

Check wording

games

show examples

rather than playing outdoor games and doing physical exercise.

As a result

Linking Words

, health problems are rising among

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, A report

Verb problem

apply

show examples

published by

WHO

Correct article usage

the WHO

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

indicates that obesity is a rising concern among

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

Use synonyms

Hence

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

should not

use

Use synonyms

mobilephone unless they become teenagers .

As, using

Correct word choice

Using

show examples

smartphones

Use synonyms

in early age will expose them to inappropriate content .

Therefore

Linking Words

, using smartphone in early age should be completely banned. Many developed countries

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

put a complete ban to

refrain

Verb problem

prevent

show examples

children

Use synonyms

from using

smartphones

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, I firmly believe that

children

Use synonyms

should not

use

Use synonyms

smartphones

Use synonyms

as it leads to adverse effects.

Thus

Linking Words

goverments

Correct your spelling

governments

should make laws to prevent

children

Use synonyms

from using

smartphones

Use synonyms

laibaabbas85

Jul 17, 2026

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task response

Make each main idea more clear and full. Explain how and why in a simple step by step way.

task response

Use examples that fit your main point more closely. Some examples are too general or not fully explained.

coherence and cohesion

Keep one clear focus in each body paragraph. Do not add a new main idea at the end without full support.

coherence and cohesion

Link ideas with simple words like First, Also, As a result, and In conclusion, but check punctuation after them.

coherence and cohesion

Check sentence joining. Some sentences are broken or joined in the wrong way, so the flow is not smooth.

task response

You answer the question clearly and your opinion is strong from the start.

coherence and cohesion

You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

coherence and cohesion

Your main ideas are easy to see: addiction, health, and unsafe content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

228 words

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Immigration has a major impact on the society. What are the main reasons of immigration? To what consequences can it lead?

some people say that animals shoud be used for entertainment.do you agree ao dis agree?

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