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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 a considerable debate about
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
 everybody should donate a fixed amount of income to encourage and support charity. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because donations could help
to
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apply
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people
Use synonyms
 who
faced
Verb problem
are faced
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 with environmental
disaster
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disasters
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 and
also
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people
Use synonyms
with the quality of
Change preposition
in
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 low-income families. One of the main reasons why
i
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I
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 strongly agree with the idea is that there are lots of
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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who
faced
Verb problem
are faced
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 with the geographical bad-condition places. These groups of
people
Use synonyms
 did not choose the place where to live, and
environmetal
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environmental
 disasters
such
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 as earthquakes,
tsunamies
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tsunamis
,
blizzards
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and blizzards
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 could destroy their lives.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
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 who live in the water always have
on
Use the right word
one
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 problem - flood, in order to decrease the amount of bad things, everyone should donate
fixed
Correct article usage
a fixed
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amout
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amount
 of their salary to build new
reservors
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reservoirs
.
Thats
Correct your spelling
That's
 why
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 completely agree
to
Change preposition
with
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this
Linking Words
 statement
due to
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 the environmental
occasions
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conditions
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 which can cause death. The second reason why I
exteremely
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extremely
 agree is the
further
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 ability of
peoples' life
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people's lives
show examples
.
While
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majority
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the majority
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 with the big amount of profit spend money on
unneccesary
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unnecessary
 things, others need money
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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just
live
Verb problem
to live
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.
For example
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, poor
people
Use synonyms
 are not able to earn a high salary, because of their inability to
their
Verb problem
solve their
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 problems.
Thus
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,
people
Use synonyms
 should donate to
people
Use synonyms
 who need financial help. In conclusion, I completely agree that members of society should donate money to support charity owing to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reasons like environment disaster and personal problems.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
task response
Explain how each example supports your view.
task response
Use more direct and clear examples.
coherence and cohesion
Put one clear topic sentence at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeated phrases like 'I completely agree' too many times.
task response
You answered the question and gave a clear opinion.
task response
You included two main reasons to support your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used, such as 'for instance' and 'thus'.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic equality
  • Wealth gap
  • Redistributing resources
  • Social responsibility
  • Mandatory donations
  • Financial strain
  • Voluntary donations
  • Morality
  • Ethics
  • Efficient use of resources
  • Sporadic contributions
  • Implementation challenges
  • Compliance
  • Fixed amount
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