IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community. Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults?

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Requiring young
adults
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 to undertake a period of unpaid
community
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work
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 has become a subject of debate.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that compulsory voluntary
work
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 places an unnecessary burden on young
people
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, I believe that its benefits for both individuals and society outweigh the drawbacks because it promotes personal development and strengthens communities. One of the greatest benefits of
community
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service
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 is that it helps young
adults
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 develop valuable life skills. By working with
people
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 from different backgrounds, they improve their communication, teamwork, leadership, and problem-solving abilities.
Such
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 experiences
also
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 encourage empathy, responsibility, and respect for others.
For example
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, volunteering in hospitals, schools, or environmental projects enables young
people
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 to gain practical experience that can improve both their personal growth and future employment prospects. The wider
community
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also
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 benefits from
this
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 initiative. Volunteers can support elderly
people
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, organise educational programmes for disadvantaged children, participate in environmental conservation projects, and assist during
community
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 events. These activities improve the quality of life for vulnerable groups
while
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 reducing the workload on public services.
In addition
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, regular
community
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 involvement strengthens social bonds and encourages a greater sense of civic responsibility among citizens. Admittedly, making
community
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service
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 compulsory may create difficulties for some young
adults
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. Students preparing for important examinations or individuals working to support their families may find it difficult to dedicate time to unpaid
work
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.
Furthermore
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, compulsory volunteering may reduce motivation because some participants may complete the
work
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 only to satisfy the requirement.
However
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, these drawbacks can be minimised by allowing flexible schedules, offering a variety of volunteering opportunities, and limiting the required number of
service
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 hours. In conclusion,
although
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 compulsory unpaid
community
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work
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 may create some inconvenience for young
adults
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, I believe its advantages are considerably greater. It helps young
people
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 develop essential life skills
while
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 making a meaningful contribution to society.
Therefore
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, requiring a reasonable period of
community
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service
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 would benefit both individuals and the wider
community
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.

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task response
Give one more clear example for the weak side of the topic.
task response
Explain a little more why forced work can lower real care and effort.
task response
Use a stronger line that clearly answers 'drawbacks or benefits' in the main body too.
coherence and cohesion
Link one idea to the next with simple words like 'also', 'so', and 'because'.
coherence and cohesion
Make the third body paragraph start with a very clear topic sentence about the drawbacks.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main point only.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear opinion.
task response
Your ideas are clear and easy to follow.
task response
You use good examples like hospitals, schools, and green projects.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear purpose.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking is natural and helps the reader follow your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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