IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The growing number of overweight is puttung a strian on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issue involed some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Do
Wrong verb form
Is being
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 overweight considered a problem for
health
Use synonyms
 in society
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 do
Use synonyms
school
Correct subject-verb agreement
schools
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 need to let
sdudents
Correct your spelling
students
 do exercise
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 Is physical education
is
Verb problem
apply
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the solution for fat people
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 In the first hand, overweight is one of the most reason that brings
health
Use synonyms
 problems and specifically old people, and how fats start to bulid in human body tell they become old, that starts when they are
kids
Use synonyms
 with uncare and eating everything unhealthy without doing exercises,
also
Linking Words
 human are lazy to go to the gym ,so i agree to start to add physical education lessons in
school
Use synonyms
 to take care for the
kids
Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
 in age that they start to learn the importants of there day schedule and know how important to take care for there body
health
Use synonyms
. There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 many people gets diabetes
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the reason is
overweight
Verb problem
being overweight
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 and less
movments
Check wording
movement
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, as
kids
Use synonyms
forgets
Correct subject-verb agreement
forget
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 to sequence
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 day properly
half
Punctuation problem
. Half
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 of the day goes
Linking Words
while
Change preposition
by while
show examples
there
Use the right word
they're
show examples
 playing PlayStation, for
school
Use synonyms
 to add morning workout
will
Change preposition
to school will
show examples
let the
Verb problem
help
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kids
Use synonyms
 grow and
knows
Correct subject-verb agreement
know
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 how
workout is important
Correct word order
important workout is,
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 and it will be easy and fun for them
entire
Change preposition
throughout their entire
show examples
 there life. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
school
Correct subject-verb agreement
schools
show examples
 have to add physical education
lesson
Check wording
lessons
show examples
 for students to get
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 care in a daily routine.

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task response
Answer the full question more clearly. Say if you agree fully, partly, or not at all, and keep this clear in all parts.
task response
Add one clear main idea in each body part, then explain it with a simple reason and one example.
task response
Use ideas that fit the topic closely. Focus on school exercise and how it can help with overweight in society.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph easy to follow. Start with a topic sentence, then add support.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences because they make the meaning hard to follow. Split them into two or three short sentences.
task response
You give a clear opinion that you agree with more physical education at school.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body ideas, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples like diabetes, school workout, and game time to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • healthcare system
  • obesity
  • chronic diseases
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • lifelong habits
  • physical activity
  • mental health
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • nutrition
  • healthy eating habits
  • holistic approach
  • logistics
  • budget constraints
  • facilities
  • trained staff
  • quality of education
  • active lifestyle
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