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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think parents should read or tell stories to children. Other think parents needn’t do that as children can read books or watch TV, or movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Parents
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 are the first educators in
children
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’s lives. Both are responsible for caregiving and contributing to pupils ‘personalities.
Therefore
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, some people think
parents
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 should read or tell
stories
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 to
children
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,
while
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 others oppose it, as
children
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 can read books, watch TV or movies by themselves.
However
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, in
this
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 article, both views are discussed
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I will
also
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 explain why I support that parental intervention is always important in
children
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’s lives
regardless
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, regardless
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 of their
age
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. Young offspring deserve a healthy family environment as they are in their initial stage of developing a strong bond with their
parents
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. Only
Parents
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 know how to teach basic language skills and moral values
while
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 reading storybooks.
For instance
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, once a child learns the consequences of telling a lie through the story,
then
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 he or she will never do it in his/her own lifetime.
Furthermore
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,
while
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 reading
stories
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 with
children
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, they create their own fascinating world and are full of curiosity , which is beneficial for their interpersonal development
while
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 expressing their emotions.
Hence
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,
Parents
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 escalate their young ones' learning ethics through reading
stories
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 aloud with social characters, but
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
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 stressful life pattern has tremendously taken over their parental role. Nowadays,
parents
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 must work very hard
due to
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 higher living costs and are unable to spend quality time with their kids.
Consequently
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, kids are more exposed to electronic learning devices
such
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 as mobile games, cartoons, and kids’ programs on television ; as
result
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a result
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, there will be serious health concerns later in their lives.
For example
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, the majority of young
children
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 have lost eyesight, have neck
,
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apply
show examples
 and spine deformities, and suffer from different diseases at a very early
age
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. Another important concern is that modern
children
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 dislike their
parents
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' intervention after a certain
age
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.
For example
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, after primary school, pupils have developed learning skills and mingled with the same peer groups.
Subsequently
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, they cultivate their independence with their own personal experiences despite learning from their
parents
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’
stories
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.
To sum up
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, in my opinion, the kinder
age
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 deserves parental support in learning and grasping the content of the
stories
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 and strengthening their bond with their
parents
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,
while
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 after the kinder
age
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, pupils should be allowed to learn modern technology and interact with the same peers.
Nevertheless
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, Parental supervision is still crucial for the healthy upbringing of their offspring as a compact family.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. The first side is a bit stronger than the second side.
task response
Make your opinion very clear all through the essay, not only in the end.
task response
Use examples that are more direct and more real. Some examples are too broad.
coherence cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part. Some parts have too many ideas together.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and clear way. At times, the jump from one idea to the next is fast.
coherence cohesion
Check reference words and repeated ideas so the flow is smoother.
task response
You answer both views and give your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body, and end.
task response
You use some examples to support your ideas.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • bonding
  • cognitive development
  • multisensory learning
  • narratives
  • foster
  • empathy
  • vicarious experiences
  • storytelling
  • screen time
  • interpretation
  • media literacy
  • language acquisition
  • innate curiosity
  • scaffolding
  • imaginative play
  • literary appreciation
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