IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Today more and more people want things instantly (e.g: goods, services, news). Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

#people #e #g #goods #services #news #development
It is believed that there is an increase in the
expectations
 of consumers currently.
This
 essay will show the effect of the fast pace of life on the requirements of
people
 and prove that arguments about
this
 are likely to happen in some
families
.
To begin
, the fast pace of life has a profound impact on consumer
expectations
.
This
 is because inhabitants are forced to reach a similar speed with other partners in their workplace and cope with various categories of living needs.
As a result
, the frequency of ordering products online will increase
along with
 the requirement of shorter time in order to satisfy the different circumstances of consumers.
According to
 a survey of Shopee, clients pay more for online shopping on the final weekday and require fast delivery service.
Therefore
, many e-commerce platforms shorten their time of delivery. It must
also
 be considered that the drawback of requiring
expectations
 immediately is impressive.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that
people
 want to satisfy their demands immediately after a busy working day.
This
 is likely to cause some arguments between family members because of their waste of money.
As a result
,
people
 will be more stressed without having any
expectations
.
According to
 a Vietnamese newspaper, half of Vietnamese
families
 had some controversial conversations after the signature of a bill of goods.
Thus
,
people
 should concentrate on the effect of instant products on family relationships.
To conclude
, the fast pace of life can increase the ambition to buy things instantly in society and cause many arguments in
families
 .
Hence
, humans should be aware of its drawbacks in order to save the harmful atmosphere in their
families
.
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task achievement
The essay would benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to encapsulate your main argument and guide the reader. This will enhance the comprehensiveness of your ideas.
task achievement
Try to provide specific and varied examples which are more directly linked to your points. This will strengthen the relevance and support for your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting statements and examples to maintain a coherent logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. Use linking phrases and words to ensure the essay flows seamlessly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both causes and effects of the desire for instant gratification, which shows a good grasp of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Instant gratification
  • Technological advancements
  • Consumer expectations
  • Same-day delivery
  • Streaming platforms
  • Information overload
  • Decision fatigue
  • Environmental implications
  • Societal implications
  • Resource depletion
  • Marketing strategies
  • Consumer satisfaction
  • Quality of life
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