IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

many places, prisons are overcrowded and expensive for governments to maintain. Yet, when offenders are released, they end up back in prison a short while later. Do prisons work? Should law-breakers be rehabilitated or punished?

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In the modern era, the vast majority of the former offenders are inclined to break the
law
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 repeatedly, despite having just been released from jail.
This
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 essay will not only investigate
leading
Correct article usage
the leading
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 factors of
this
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 tendency, but
also
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 discuss
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the extent
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to
what extent
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which
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 society will be influenced
consequently
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.
Initial
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The initial
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 significant reason that leads to
further
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 crimes is the lack of sufficient
trainings
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training
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arranged specifically for the prisoners in an attempt to educate them
phsycologically
Correct your spelling
psychologically
 and legally.Nowadays, only a small number of
educative
Replace the word
educational
 events are organised in prisons for convicts to explain how legal solutions can deter them from violating the
law
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. On top of that, inmates are not provided with
phsycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 assistance, which is detrimental to developing emotional intelligence
that is
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 highly likely to prevent them from committing any crimes caused by aggression.
However
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, if authorities passed a special
law
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 to strengthen initiatives designed for offenders’ legal and emotional needs, they could be successfully persuaded not to offend the
law
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 anymore.
For instance
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, a prisoner was
explained
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told that
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 a
murder
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murderer
 ends up with 15 years in jail
and
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, and
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 what he could do to overcome his rage, he would probably avoid making
further
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 attempts. Multiple violations of the
law
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 by the same ex -convicts will
in
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, in
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its
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apply
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turn
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turn,
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 have significant negative effects on
the
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apply
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society. A criminal who
committed
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commits
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 a crime more than once will confront a social stigma. Due to their criminal backgrounds, people will feel anxious
,
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apply
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instead
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 of feeling secure around them.
As a result
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, it will be quite challenging for them to land a job and make new bonds. Today, it is not common to see an employer trust a good position to someone who has been sentenced
for
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apply
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several times. In conclusion, a growing number of criminals tend to break the
law
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 again in spite of having been punished previously
due to
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lacking
Replace the word
a lack of
 constructive instructions.
Therefore
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, society feels
skeptical
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sceptical
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 of them and is less likely
rely
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to rely
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 on them in terms of responsibility and friendship.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly if prisons work, and say clearly if people should be helped to change, punished, or both.
task response
Your main idea is clear, but some parts do not fully match the question. You talk more about why people offend again and less about whether prison works.
task response
Add one more clear example that is real or more specific. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some parts are too long, so your meaning is not always easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one simple plan: main idea, reason, example, result.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main focus, so the reader can follow your big ideas.
task response
You give a cause and effect idea, which helps develop your answer.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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