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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think universities should only accept students with the highest grades. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

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Some people claim that acceptance should be related
with
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to
show examples
Check wording
students'
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students
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 performance, so
students
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 with lower
notes
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grades
show examples
 should be rejected from
universities
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. I partially disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view.
Although
Linking Words
universities
Use synonyms
 have to filter the applicants in order to maintain certain quality, grades are not the only indicator of academic skills.
Furthermore
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,
highschoolers
Correct your spelling
high schoolers
 are just figuring out how to be a responsible adult. It is widely
believe
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believed
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 that grades are an indicator to determine if a person is a good student.
However
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, education programs focus mainly
in
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on
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 exams which
requires
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require
show examples
 specific skills.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 some
students
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 know the information
but
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, but
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 when they listen to the word exam, they freeze. Actually
a
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,
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 research
have
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has
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 shown that exams
requires
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require
show examples
 abilities
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 good memory, time management and focus, not
necessary a
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necessarily
 good comprehension. The study
suggest
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suggests
show examples
,
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apply
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 that education programs should diversify the way of graduating
students
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, in order to allow all
students
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 to know their
strengthens
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strengths
On the other
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hand
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hand,
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students
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at
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in
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 high school are around fifteen to eighteen
they
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, they
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 are teenagers, going through physical and
mentally
Replace the word
mental
 changes. It is possible that
highschoolers
Correct your spelling
high schoolers
 don’t worry
to
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too
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 much about their grades or future at that moment,
as a
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result
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result,
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 they may have a lower
grate
Use the right word
grade
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 for multiple situations
rather
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, rather
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 than if they are a valuable applicant for
universities
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 or not. To illustrate
physiologists
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, physiologists
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 conducted a study of how a
teenagers
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teenager's
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 brain
work
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works
show examples
, the result is that certain areas
still
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are still
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 developing
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,
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and
this
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 may affect the academic performance.
To conclude
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academic
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, academic
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 performance is certainly important for acceptance at
universities
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. Even
thought
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though
show examples
, it should not be the only relevant information
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
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 by
universities
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.
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Students
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Students'
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 academic
record
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records
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 are much
complex
Rephrase
more complex
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 and should reflect all the advantages that a person can offer to a university.
Also
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giving
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, giving
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 opportunities for
students
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every
Change preposition
in every
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 grade
rates
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apply
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may promote
the
Correct article usage
apply
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professional and personal development.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body paragraph and keep your position clear from start to end.
task response
Add more clear support for each main idea with fuller examples or short explanations.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully so each sentence follows the one before in a smooth way.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and explain it before moving to the next point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You give a balanced view and show that you partly disagree, which answers the task.
task response
You use examples about exams and teenage growth to support your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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