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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The
first
Use synonyms
 table
illustrated
Wrong verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the shift in the total
population
Use synonyms
 of New
York
Use synonyms
 City between 1800 and 2000. The
population
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
districts
Correct article usage
the districts
show examples
 of New
York
Use synonyms
 City are shown
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the second and third tables over the same period of time.
This
Linking Words
 paragraph is going to summarise the information by selecting, reporting the main features and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 comparisons where relevant.
Overall
Linking Words
, New
York
Use synonyms
 in
generall
Correct your spelling
general
 and five
districts
Use synonyms
 of its
in particular
Linking Words
, have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
huge changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the total
population
Use synonyms
 between 1800 and 2000. During the
first
Use synonyms
century
Use synonyms
 of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
, New
York
Use synonyms
 City had about 80000 citizens. The large
increasing
Replace the word
increase
 began
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
first
Use synonyms
of
Check wording
half of
show examples
20th
Correct article usage
the 20th
show examples
century
Use synonyms
, when the capital of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 could contain around 3,4 million people, more than 43 times thant the
population
Use synonyms
 of
1800s
Correct article usage
the 1800s
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 number continued to develop,
when
Correct word choice
with
show examples
 the total
population
Use synonyms
 of the
21th
Change the ending
21st
show examples
century
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
nearly 9 times
to
Correct pronoun usage
that of
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
century
Use synonyms
, at 8
millions of
Check wording
million
show examples
 citizens. Manhattan during the
first
Use synonyms
 one hundred years
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 had accounted for 76% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in New
York
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 other
districts
Use synonyms
, including Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens,
Staten
Correct word choice
and Staten
show examples
 Island
just
Punctuation problem
, just
show examples
 held 24% of
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
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, at around 19
thoudsand
Correct your spelling
thousand
. Moving to the next 10 decades, the total
population
Use synonyms
now
Rephrase
apply
show examples
of Manhattan is over 1.8
millions of
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
 citizens,
accounts
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for 54%. The rest is other
districts
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 over 1.5
millions of
Check wording
million
show examples
 people, which held 46%. From the
21th
Change the ending
21st
show examples
century
Use synonyms
, Manhattan’s total
population
Use synonyms
 is fewer than that
four
Change preposition
of the four
show examples
districts
Use synonyms
, which is around 1.5 million, held 19% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 that 81% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 belonged to
that
Fix the agreement mistake
those
show examples
 other
districts
Use synonyms
, at nearly 6.5 million people.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words first, population, york, districts, century with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • people
  • city
  • five
  • district
  • grow
  • growth
  • rise
  • increase
  • increase
  • rise
  • fall
  • decline
  • high
  • low
  • big
  • large
  • small
  • more
  • less
  • over time
  • by year
  • in total
  • compare
  • compared with
  • whereas
  • trend
  • pattern
  • overall
  • feature
  • note
  • point
  • difference
  • lead
  • catch up
  • late
  • early
  • century
  • decade
  • period
  • 2000
  • 1800
  • 1900
  • continuous
  • steady
  • rapid
  • fast
  • slow
  • periods
  • numbers
  • data
  • report
  • describe
  • summarise
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