IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think all lawbreakers should be sent to prison, while others think there are better alternatives for those whose crimes are minor, such as making them do work for the local community. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The punishment system for law
offenders
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 has always been a complicated matter, which raises the question if
criminals
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 with light
crimes
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 should be exempt from
prison
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 and put into local community work as a
rehabilitation
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 method. My essay is going to discuss whether
prison
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 sentences are the best form of reformation for all
crimes
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or
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, or
show examples
 if
depending
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, depending
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 on the severity of the
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crime
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crime,
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 they should be moved into social work. I believe
criminals
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that
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who
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 have committed petty
crimes
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 should not be instantly given a
prison
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 sentence
,
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; instead,
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instead
Linking Words
 they should have lighter punishments. On one hand,
criminals
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 with minor
crimes
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such
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 as theft,
small scale
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small-scale
 fraud, drug possession, academic dishonesty and first
offenders
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 of
medium sized
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medium-sized
crimes
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 should receive leniency and in some
cases
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cases,
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 that might mean evading
prison
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 time by serving hours to the local community or in other distinct cases where psychological therapy and
rehabilitation
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 are of best interest to the offender. There are thousands of cases where
offenders
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 were rehabilitated and let into society
never
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, never
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 to be seen in the court of law again.
Crimes
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such
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 as drug use or
that were
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those
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 committed
due to
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 mental illness would not be offered the necessary amount of support or potential
rehabilitation
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 in
prison
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which
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, which
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 would just lead to wasted time and resources.
On the other hand
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, some might believe that treating light
offenders
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 with a less restrictive and punishing sentence would be insufficient to educate and put the
criminals
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 on the right path, as they might begin a new streak of
crime
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 after finishing their punishment. There is some truth in that view, yet there was always more to the case than just the
crime
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 and
criminal
Correct article usage
the criminal
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. Incentives and socio-economic factors could have led the offender to commit the
crime
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and
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, and
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 based on other
variables
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variables,
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 the
crime
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 could be treated with either leniency or normal justice methods and reasoning. To
further
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 reinstate my point, a person who is currently in
the
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apply
show examples
court for theft might be treated with mercy by the judge
due to
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 his motives for committing the
crime
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 or for an accidental
offense
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offence
show examples
. In conclusion, a criminal with a light
offense
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offence
show examples
 or first
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
 of a medium grade
crime
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 could be treated with less brutality and receive a lighter sentence
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such
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, such
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 as community work and
rehabilitation
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 facilities. There are multiple identifiable benefits to
such
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 a course of action
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such
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, such
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 as a better outcome for the offender and society
and
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, and
show examples
economical
Replace the word
economic
 advantages for the
prison
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 system.

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task response
Explain the view for prison more fully. Give a clear reason why some people want prison for all lawbreakers, such as safety, fair punishment, or stopping repeat crime.
task response
Some examples are too broad. “First offenders of medium sized crimes” is not always a minor crime, so it may not fit the question well. Focus more on small crimes.
task response
Your main view is clear, but say more clearly which cases should get community work and which cases should still go to prison.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one simple plan: main idea, reason, example, and short result. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hard to follow. For example, split the sentence about social and money problems into two shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
A few phrases are not clear, such as “normal justice methods” and “to further reinstate my point”. Use simple, direct words instead.
task response
You discuss both sides and clearly give your own view: minor crimes should not always lead to prison.
task response
You use useful examples, such as theft, drug use, and mental health problems.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • lawbreakers
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitation
  • community service
  • recidivism
  • incarceration
  • public safety
  • cost-effectiveness
  • infraction
  • reintegration
  • punitive measures
  • reoffending
  • stigmatization
  • educational programs
  • counseling programs
  • alternative approaches
  • societal benefits
  • burden on taxpayers
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