IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that having a fixed punishment for all crimes is more efficient. What are the advantages and disadvantages of having a fixed punishment?

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There is
ongoing
Correct article usage
an ongoing
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 debate about
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 and disadvantages of having a set
punishment
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 for every
crime
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. Most
people
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 argue that it is more efficient,
while
Linking Words
 others say that it is not useful for residents who commit a
crime
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because of
Change preposition
for
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 different reasons. Despite certain benefits, the drawbacks are more significant. A key benefit of
this
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 trend is
it
Correct word choice
that it
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 decreases the rate of crimes.
People
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 do not dare
to
Verb problem
apply
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commit a
crime
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 because of firm
punishment
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.
The
Correct article usage
A
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 clear example of
this
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 is theft in Dubai.
There
Correct word choice
If
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 someone steals anything
their
Punctuation problem
, their
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 hands are cut
as
Verb problem
off as
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 a
punishment
Use synonyms
. Because they are afraid of losing their essential body parts and they will
ashamed
Verb problem
be ashamed
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 of
this
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 thing
rest
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for the rest
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 of their life.
As a result
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,
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of criminal groups and criminals dropped dramatically in
this
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 country.
Moreover
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, having a fixed
punishment
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 creates equality among different layers,
namely
Punctuation problem
namely,
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 rich and poor
people
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. Even
wealthy
Correct word choice
if wealthy
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people
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 commit a
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crime
Punctuation problem
crime,
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 they will absolutely get arrested.
Also
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, their money cannot prevent them from
punishment
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.
Then
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 it creates fairly environment in public.
On the other hand
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, a major drawback is
reason
Correct article usage
the reason
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of
Change preposition
for
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 the crimes.
For example
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, some
people
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 may kill
people
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 on purpose
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 others might do it
for
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to
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 protect themselves or their loved ones. And if they have
clear
Correct article usage
a clear
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 reason for
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 it, the criminal sentence should be decreased. So, it is not correct
give
Verb problem
to give
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 the same
punishment
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 to both of them. The reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 they have different mental conditions
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they require different rehabilitation. If the government can reduce
how many
Check wording
the number of
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 years
people
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arrested
Verb problem
are arrested
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 depending on their condition, why
it should
Correct word order
should it
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 treat them in the same way
.
Change the punctuation
?
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This
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 will affect their economy.
This
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 aspect is important from both economic and humanitarian perspectives. In conclusion,
although
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 there are advantages, the disadvantages are more important.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more full way. You give good points, but some ideas need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Explain your main ideas step by step. Some parts are hard to follow because the grammar is not clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words like first, also, however, and as a result in a careful way.
task response
Give one clear example and explain how it supports your point.
task response
You answer the question and give both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You use an example to support your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • capital punishment
  • deterrent
  • crime
  • serious offenses
  • justice
  • victims
  • closure
  • life imprisonment
  • rehabilitation
  • legal system
  • fairness
  • wrongful convictions
  • moral
  • public opinion
  • perspectives
  • debate
  • effective
  • punishment
  • families
  • contribute
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