IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In spite of the advances in medicine, many people around the world still die of easily preventable diseases. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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In
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 era, most of the
contry
Punctuation problem
contry,
show examples
 many individuals
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
still die
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 high advancement of medical facilities are available for
people
Use synonyms
 in
hospitals
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
people
Use synonyms
 are not capable
to get
Unsplit the infinitive
of getting to
show examples
hospitals
Use synonyms
because of
Change preposition
due to the
show examples
 high charges
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
treatments
Use synonyms
. But
help
Change preposition
with the help
show examples
 of
governments
Use synonyms
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 can be prevent fastly and reduce diseases. Both causes and solutions will be discussed
further
Linking Words
 in the upcoming paragraphs with appropriate examples. Examining the reason for
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
 of medical care
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 easy to access
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 are suffering
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 painful death, the most common one is
highly
Correct word choice
that highly
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charges of
Replace the word
charged
treatments
Use synonyms
 are
pay
Wrong verb form
paid for
show examples
 by patients. Some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
diseases are costly to cure,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 are diagnoses by cancer or
heart
Correct article usage
a heart
show examples
attack
Punctuation problem
attack,
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 there are
treatments
Use synonyms
 has differernt stages to cure
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
show examples
. In cancer, it has medicines and
Linking Words
also patients
Correct word order
patients also
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 need to do chemo or
rediation
Correct your spelling
radiation
 and might
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get surgery for cells to
go out
Verb problem
remove cells
show examples
 from
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
. Some who are beloging with middle class family they are not afford
this
Linking Words
treatment
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is the reason they die easily without getting any medical
remidies
Correct your spelling
remedies
. These are the reasons they are suffering pain at home and not going for medications. Alternatively, there are some preventive measures to solve the given issues. The foremost is
Use synonyms
governments
Correct word choice
that governments
show examples
 should introduce free medical
treatment
Use synonyms
 thoses who
are not
Verb problem
cannot
show examples
affording
Wrong verb form
afford
show examples
 costly
treatment
Use synonyms
. They
also
Linking Words
 need to open
Use synonyms
governments
Replace the word
government
hospitals
Use synonyms
 for poor
people
Use synonyms
 and give them free
chrage
Correct your spelling
charge
 medicines as well.
This
Linking Words
 helps patients to go without any
tension
Correct word choice
financial tension
show examples
of money
Check wording
apply
show examples
, and they get good
treatment
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 doctors.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Governments
Use synonyms
 should
spreed awarness
Correct your spelling
spread awareness
 to the
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 by radio or newspapers, and visit thier home by folllowing data if they are suffering from any problems,
immidiately
Correct your spelling
immediately
 take
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 the
hospitals
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
In
Capitalize the proper name
in India
show examples
india
Add a comma
india,
show examples
 there are many
people
Use synonyms
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 not aware of some dieases and
governments
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
forcefully visite thier home and get information about all family members
and
Punctuation problem
. After
show examples
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
doctors
Punctuation problem
, doctors
show examples
 give medical
treatments
Use synonyms
 at the
hospitals
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it can be
finally
Linking Words
 commented that there are many causes of lack of
treatments
Use synonyms
 and death
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as highly medical
treatments
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are not aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 diseases. But
help
Correct article usage
the help
show examples
 of
governments
Use synonyms
 and cost free
treatments
Use synonyms
 solution can solve the problems.

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task response
Answer both questions more directly in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea clear at the start of each paragraph.
task response
Use one clear example and explain how it supports your point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like because, so, also, and however.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about cost many times.
task response
You answered both the cause and the solution parts.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You gave an example about India to support your ideas.
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