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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign laguage at the primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage?

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It is often argued that foreign
language
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 instruction should commence during primary education rather than at the secondary level.
Although
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 early
language
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 learning presents certain challenges,
such
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 as potential cognitive overload, I firmly believe that its cognitive and developmental advantages significantly outweigh any drawbacks. On the one hand, introducing a second
language
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 to young
children
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 can pose a few challenges. The primary concern is that learning a new
language
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 simultaneously with a mother tongue may cause confusion in grammar and vocabulary acquisition.
For instance
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, young pupils who struggle with basic literacy in their native
language
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 might feel overwhelmed when asked to master foreign phonetic sounds and syntax at the same time.
Furthermore
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, primary school curricula are already crowded with foundational subjects like mathematics and science, meaning that introducing another
language
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 could place unnecessary academic pressure on young learners.
On the other hand
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, the benefits of early
language
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 learning are far more compelling. From a neurological perspective,
children
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 at the primary school age possess a high degree of brain plasticity, enabling them to absorb new sounds, accents, and vocabulary effortlessly compared to adolescents. Unlike older students, who often feel self-conscious about making mistakes, young
children
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 tend to be more enthusiastic and less anxious about
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 spoken
language
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.
Moreover
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, starting early provides students with a longer time horizon to achieve fluency, which ultimately enhances their communicative competence and global awareness by the time they reach adulthood. In conclusion,
while
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 starting foreign
language
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 education at a primary level may cause initial confusion or burden the curriculum, these issues are minor compared to the long-term rewards. The natural capacity of
children
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 to acquire languages easily makes early instruction an invaluable investment in their academic and personal development.

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task response
Make your main answer even more direct in the first part. Say very clearly that the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Add one more very clear real life example to support your ideas. This can help your answer feel more full and strong.
task response
Some ideas are very advanced, but a few could be explained in a simpler and more exact way so the reader can follow them fast.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well ordered, but you can use a few more linking words between some sentences to make the flow even smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a clear focus. To make it better, connect the example more closely to the main point in that paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending is good. Make sure every paragraph starts with one very clear main idea sentence, as you did here most of the time.
task response
You answer both sides and give a clear opinion.
task response
Your ideas are clear and well developed.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are logical and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' help the reader.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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