IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that the government should spend money only on medical care and education but not on theatres or sport stadium.Do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
Nowadays , some
people
Use synonyms
 discuss the issue of where
dose
Use the right word
the
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 should spent their
money
Use synonyms
 .
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that they should
spen
Correct your spelling
spend
money
Use synonyms
 on medical
care
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 .
Other
Fix the agreement mistake
Others
show examples
 argue that they spent
money
Use synonyms
 on
theatres
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
stadium
Check wording
stadiums
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
 ,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that medical
care
Use synonyms
 and aducation is more important than
theatres
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
stadium
Check wording
stadiums
show examples
. First of all , one important
point
Use synonyms
 is that spor
stadium
Use synonyms
 and
theatres
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 useful places .
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 other
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 will become happy if
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 build sport
stadium
Use synonyms
 espacially who love watching football
match
Check wording
matches
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
 , if the
government
Use synonyms
 build sport stadiums and
theatres
Use synonyms
 , many
torist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 will visit the country
espacially
Correct your spelling
especially
 to watch the match .
As a result
Linking Words
 , the economy will increase .
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
 one important
point
Use synonyms
 is that stadiums can make
people
Use synonyms
 happy and increase the
ecomsystem
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
 sharply.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , another important
point
Use synonyms
 is that medical
care
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 so important.
However
Linking Words
 ,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on both medical
care
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 .
For instance
Linking Words
 , if
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 spend
money
Use synonyms
 on
education
Use synonyms
 , students will have
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 learning experience .
This
Linking Words
 will lead to a smart gen .
Therefore
Linking Words
 ,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
education
Use synonyms
 and medical
care
Use synonyms
 is more important than spending
money
Use synonyms
 on sport
stadium
Use synonyms
 . In conclusion , after considering the main
point
Use synonyms
 ,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on
education
Use synonyms
 and medical
care
Use synonyms
 rather than spending
money
Use synonyms
 on sports
Use synonyms
stadium
Check wording
stadiums
show examples
 and
theatres
Use synonyms
 .
Although
Linking Words
 opposide side may have some value
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
increased
Correct article usage
an increased
show examples
eco system
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer one clear side all the way. You say the government should spend money only on health and education, but in body 1 you also support sport places too much.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Say why health care helps all people, and why education helps the country in the future.
task response
Use better examples. Your example about tourists is possible, but it needs more detail and must link more clearly to your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph. Body 1 is about stadiums, and body 2 is about health and education, but the line of thought is not always clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some words like however, therefore, and on the other hand are not used in the best place.
coherence and cohesion
Make sentences connect more smoothly. Some ideas jump too fast, so the reader must work hard to follow you.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples and results to support your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Allocation of funds
  • Intellectual development
  • Thriving society
  • Productive workforce
  • Life expectancy
  • Economic growth
  • Cultural facilities
  • Recreational facilities
  • Community well-being
  • Stimulate local economies
  • Tourism and job creation
  • Cross-cultural understanding
  • Quality of life
  • Community engagement
  • Societal enrichment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: